tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79945834072274474462024-03-05T11:36:16.852-07:00The Journey of My Beautiful AngelUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger179125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-38274724820433690312013-11-26T06:05:00.001-07:002013-11-26T06:05:14.719-07:00Tuesday November 26Life is so fleeting. We never know from one day to the next what will come our way. The passing of my dear aunt drove that reality into my soul. But one thing I do know, Heavenly Father gives us challenges for a reason. When we are called upon to lose one we love so suddenly and unexpectedly, we are blessed to get through it. I felt the strength of the Larsen family as we attended both Judy's viewing and funeral. What a great turnout they had for the viewing! The line was clear down the hall! It took us almost 45 minutes to even get to the room where the casket was! What a tribute to her amazing life! Her school children, that she had to leave behind, make a crayon wreath for her. They also wrote notes, which Tara and Kristy put into a book, about the things they loved about their dear teacher. It was truly touching to see the outpouring of love from her dear kindergarten children. They are struggling with her loss too. But at such a tender age, such sadness is to be expected. <br />
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The funeral was nothing short of amazing! The spirit permeated the room. As we all gathered for family prayer, my heart just burned within me. I knew my aunt was happy. I knew she was with my grandpa, my uncle, my step-grandpa, and my sweet daughter. I knew her family would be strengthened through each awful day. We don't always know why things happen the way they do. I know I questioned so many times last week why Judy was taken now, so quickly after Grandpa Morgan. But truly through this whole experience, the Lord gave the family many tender mercies. Because of Grandpa Morgan's funeral, we all saw Judy one last time. The family also did not have to turn off the life support machines. She went quietly on her own. At Judy's funeral, many family members and extended family members were in attendance. I felt their strength and I wasn't even an immediate family member! There is such strength in family! I can't believe how much it meant to me to see my dear great aunts, uncles, and cousins surround the Larsen family! They needed that outpouring of love and it was there in abundance! The talks during the services were eloquent. The music was beautiful and touching. I wished I could bottle up the feelings I felt and lock them away forever! <br />
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I know our family will get through this time of loss. I am so grateful to belong to such a wonderful family. I have amazing aunts, uncles, and cousins who are stalwart examples of what a Christ-like person should be. If anything, their examples make me want to be a better person each day so I can be with them in the Celestial Kingdom someday. Maybe, just maybe, if I try as hard as I can, I can reach their level of excellence. I am so grateful for this experience, for the testimony builder it has been. I am thankful for the reminders that Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ, walk with us each and every day. They bind up the broken heart and help the wounded soul to heal. They fill our hearts with peace. I am also equally grateful for the Gift of the Holy Ghost. I know the comforter was with us all during the past week. He will continue to be with us over the coming months. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-63534640440279152582013-11-24T08:18:00.001-07:002013-11-24T08:29:18.271-07:00Angels Will Attend UsI haven't written for some time now, at least not in this blog, but this morning I was overcome with gratitude for so many things. But before I begin discussing my gratitude, I want to explain what has spawned my thinking as of late. Only a few short days ago, my wonderful aunt passed away unexpectedly. Her death hit our family very hard. She was young, in the prime of life, with so much of her life left to live. We are all grieving her loss in a deep and agonizing way. Today we will travel down to Sandy for her viewing and funeral. Her passing got me to thinking: what helped me to survive the passing of my beautiful angel and how has my heart come to heal from the sting of death? In my search for an answer, I was led to a beautiful talk by Merrill J. Bateman, entitled "The Power to Heal from Within." As I listened and read the conference address, my heart filled with peace. I knew exactly why I was able to let my sweet daughter go and what helped me to keep moving forward after her departure. <br />
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First of all, Heavenly Father <i><b>always</b></i> gives us what we need to get through any trial that may come our way. After Ashley died, I had many angels that surrounded me and helped me get through each day. The first was Summer Nelson. She invited me to attend the temple with her every week, which I did. In the Holy Temple, I felt so much peace! It invigorated my soul and reminded me my girl was always near. I would not have gone to the temple every week without Summer. Heavenly Father inspired her to ask me to come with her because he knew attending the temple would help me to heal. And it did! It helped me more than any other survival tactic I implemented. (0:<br />
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Then there was the move to Logan. I was a hopeless mess when we came here. My anxiety was through the roof. I was struggling with dizziness and depression, spawned by all the changes in our life at the time. I felt so nervous and unconfident. I was enrolled in school, but doubted my ability to be successful. In fact, at that time, I didn't think I had anything to offer the world as far as skills go. I had been a stay at home mom for the past 12 years. I knew how to care for my daughter and care for my sweet boys, but that was about all. I was nervous about traveling to campus and sitting in classrooms with students years younger than myself. However, I continued to pray and have faith I would find the right path for me. I did indeed find the path I was seeking. I was blessed to get hired at Woodruff where I discovered I did have skills other than my mom skills. I was surrounded by wonderful women who were loving and supportive. The social interaction I had there truly kept me going through that first year, when I was endlessly trapped in the clutches of darkness and depression. My school courses were also a heaven sent distraction. I discovered I was not only able to study, but excel in my courses. I grew to love the things I was learning and the chance to work toward a worthwhile goal. Heavenly Father knew I needed that job at Woodruff. He knew I needed school. He gave me those blessings to help me survive. I will be forever grateful for his guiding hand through each and every day!<br />
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The blessings have continued to fill my life. Last year, when I needed a psychology apprenticeship, I was blessed to find the right research groups to join. Every piece fell perfectly in place and I was able to finish my psychology degree without any hitches. I was blessed with the financial aid I needed so I could attend school in the summer. In fact, the financial aid came through only two days before the tuition deadline hit. Not only that, but as I have continued to pursue graduate school, the pieces have once again fallen into place. I know I am supposed to continue on and that Heavenly Father will bless me in my desires to gain the education I need. My patriarchal blessing specifically states this goal is of the utmost importance and I would be blessed with the means to finish my education. I have literally seen the fulfillment of this promise. <br />
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On top of my education, I was given the calling of primary chorister. This call was truly inspired! I never dreamed I would be able to stand in front of children and teach them music every week. But I can and I have been blessed every step of the way. Week after week, I have been blessed to find fun activities that make learning songs enjoyable. And I have to say, I am good at it! This calling has given me a level of confidence I didn't think was possible. I look forward to every Sunday. Heavenly Father knew this calling would help me to grow and believe in myself and it has!!<br />
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I know the Lord watches over us. He heals our broken hearts. He sends us angels to bare us up. The trials we have in this life help us to grow in ways we never thought possible. I know every trial I have had in my life has given me strength and taught me more than I could ever imagine. I feel the blessings and lessons I received during Ashley's passing have given me what I need to be a strength to my cousins at this time of terrible loss. I know in time, they too will feel that healing peace in their hearts. It will come. They will be given what they need to survive. They will have angels attend them. How much I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ! I know it is true! It brings peace to our souls and healing to our hearts. Of this I testify!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-28236761210573059482012-09-30T17:02:00.003-06:002012-09-30T17:04:39.399-06:00Sunday September 30, 2012I haven't written in Ashley's blog for such a long time, I thought I would post an update on our family. We had the most wonderful summer! We didn't take any fancy trips, but we did get to spend lots of time together as a family. The boys were able to take swimming lessons. I was so proud of them and their progress. Austin passed out of all the levels three years ago. He is a super swimmer and diver. Spencer is moving into Level 5. His strokes are looking beautiful! Preston is moving in to Level 4. He finally got the hang of diving and loves it! (0: His front crawl is amazing! It makes my heart so happy to see them become powerful swimmers. I just love swimming myself! Now we can all hang out in the deep end and we love every second of it! <br />
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We were also blessed to spend time in Burley with my parents. I haven't been home for a very long time. I knew I wanted to go home for at least a week during the summer. We went at the end of June. It was am amazing week! We spent time with my parents, helping them. We got to see the grandparents. The boys saw their cousins, which they LOVED! (0: While we were in Burley, we were able to get Ashley's headstone ordered. When she died, we had the money for her headstone. But when Jason quit his job, and we moved to Logan, we thought it best to hang on to the money. Thus, we never got her headstone put up. My wonderful cousin and sister decided she needed her headstone. Unbeknownst to us, they rallied the family together and presented us with the money we needed to erect her headstone. As I said before, I have the most amazing family!! (0: It turned out so beautifully! I will have to post a picture of it. What a great blessing to finally have it done!! Thanks so much to everyone who contributed!! We couldn't be more grateful!<br />
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Another blessing that came this summer was Jason's promotion at work. Sadly his promotion came because his boss was diagnosed with leukemia. They asked Jason to step up in his absence and take over the financial part of their business. He became the finance manager and the construction manager over Wyoming. It has been very stressful at times, organizing and creating spreadsheets to keep track of the information given to him, but he has loved the new challenge! It was so great to finally see them recognize the talents Jason has. Now that we are starting to see the financial rewards of his promotion, he is doubly happy. Like I said before, our family has been so blessed!<br />
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Given my school schedule this fall, I decided not to go back and work at Woodruff this year. That decision was a hard one! I loved working there! However, I have to look to the future. It is vital I gain the experience I need to get into the graduate program I desire. So, at the current time, I am volunteering with two research groups. Thankfully, it is only two! I am also homeschooling Austin again this year. He is with the Utah Virtual Academy, and we love it! I spend about three hours in the morning with him before heading up to campus. He is doing great! I know I won't be able to homeschool him next year, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it. I am hoping time and maturation will enable him to focus better in school. Truly, it is the focusing and organizational part of school that is hard for him, due to his ADHD. The other boys are doing wonderfully well in school. Spencer is in 5th grade and he has a super awesome teacher. Preston is in 4th grade and also loves his teacher. They both have good friends and are happy. I can't tell you how hard I prayed that my boys would be happy this year. They are and I know it is an answer to my earnest pleadings to my Father in Heaven.<br />
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Yes, my schedule is hectic. Between homeschool, research, keeping up with my classes, and keeping up with my family, I feel like my head is in a vice pretty much every day. This is the cool part though. My body doesn't handle stress very well. When I am stressed, I start to feel sick. Two weeks ago, I started feeling sick. My head began giving me fits again. Yes, I still do struggle with vertigo! YUCK! I was so tired, and I didn't see how I was going to do all that I need to do and remain sane! I was staying up late and getting up early, and it still wasn't enough. I started to pray for help. I know Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. I can't tell you how I did it, but I was able to get through it all. I got through the tests. I got through the meetings, observations, and trainings. And I am alive to tell the tale! (0: There is no way I did it on my own. I was carried every step of the way! That is the cool part! When we ask for help, it comes. It did for me!<br />
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Now I am in a bigger conundrum. As I said before, I have been seriously considering the school psychology program. I have been praying about school psych for quite a while now. I thought I felt pretty good about it, but when I started attending the research meetings, something felt off to me. I can't tell you what it was. Every time I would go to a meeting, I would come away feeling dark and depressed. I thought at first it was because I am so stressed right now. Then, one day it hit me! Perhaps school psych is not what I am supposed to do. Perhaps Heavenly Father is trying to tell me something. Well, that same day I had this thought, I was researching careers online. One of which I was studying about was play therapy. I heard about play therapy in my Abuse and Neglect course last year. I never considered it before because there were no colleges close that offered this program. Well, I found out two weeks ago that Boise State is now offering a play therapy program. You first get a master's degree in counseling and then enter the play therapy program. I was fascinated the first minute I discovered it! I have been studying about it for two weeks now. I spoke to the director and she said the best way to find out if it is for me is to attend a play therapy conference Boise State is hosting. Jason and I are going to attend the conference which will be the first week in November. I am not saying I am going to pursue that program, but it sounds so wonderful!! At this point, I am going to explore every option. I don't want to get into grad school, start a program, and then realize it isn't the right program for me. No way! I know there is a career out there for me that I will be good at! I just have to find out what it is! (0:<br />
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Life is good. It is not easy, but I have come to love the hard times. Those hard times have molded me into the person I am today. I know there are many more yet to come, but with my wonderful husband, kids, and family surrounding me, I know we will survive. (0: Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-55662992692453988882012-07-16T20:48:00.000-06:002012-07-16T20:48:38.583-06:00Winn Family UpdatesWowzers! It is July 16 already! Where did the last few weeks go? Before we know it, school will be starting again. Crazy! So I have had several people ask me about our family, so I thought I better write a few updates here on this blog. (0:<br />
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We are doing great! It has been a fabulous summer! Just a couple of weeks ago, I took the boys up to Burley for a week. We had such a fun time there! I love going home. Even though that area isn't very big in size, the people make up for it in heart. It was fun to spend time with my parents. We were able to help them with a few projects. I was able to spend time with my grandparents. Of course, we were blessed to get to see the Walquist cousins. Spencer and Burke are two peas in a pod. I love Annie and Alexis too. Jessica and I were able to hang out a bit with our kids. Overall, it was a super fun trip.<br />
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We haven't taken any exotic vacations this summer. Honestly, we need to save up our money for tuition and rent. But that is okay. We have had so much fun together. Jason and I started taking nightly walks together. There are so many beautiful places to see here in Logan. We have several favorite routes we walk. It has become our special time together. We bought our boys a larger swimming pool for the back yard. They swim almost every day. We also have some wonderful kids in the neighborhood our boys enjoy playing with. Between swimming, playing with the neighbors, scouts, and cousins, the boys stay pretty busy. Preston and Spencer started swimming lessons today and enjoy that. Austin has taken up an interest in biking. He and Jason have been riding nearly every day. What a wonderful bonding experience for both of them. (0: We also purchased Austin a flute. He loves music. Since I pulled him out of Mount Logan, he hasn't been able to play. He will start flute lessons next month. I can't wait! I think the music was so good for his concentration. <br />
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Jason is not loving his job, but he is surviving. He was promoted to financial and construction manager when his boss was diagnosed with leukemia. Thankfully, his boss continues to fight his cancer and is hanging in there. My heart aches for him every day. He has suffered so much! It is a sad circumstance in which Jason was able to be promoted. We haven't seen a huge boost in income, but every little increase helps. <br />
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As for me, I am a pondering fool these days. (0: How so you may ask? Well, I am trying so hard to figure out what in the world I am supposed to do for a career. I am so back and forth. There are pluses and minuses to both career paths I am considering. I would love to be a counselor or a therapist. At the same time, I love education. I want so much to continue working with kids in a school setting. I have to admit, the education lifestyle appeals to me very much. I was blessed to have my mother at home every summer. I want to be there for my boys like my mom was there for me. Pursuing a degree in school psychology would give me summers with my boys. However, that is NOT a reason to become a school psychologist. That is only a perk of the job. Honestly, I want to help those kids who can't learn. I want to help those kids who struggle with anxiety and depression. I want to make every child feel like a winner. As a school psychologist, I would be trained to intervene in the educational process. I would be the one to help assess learning problems, behavior problems, and mood disorders and give kids the tools to deal with those problems. I so wish someone would have given me the tools to deal with the anxiety I fought with for most of my years in school. It was debilitating at times, and I thought I was crazy! Well, I guess in a sense, I was crazy! (0: But what a difference it would have made to my mood, to my self-image, if I would have known I wasn't alone in my panic attacks, in my worry-some thoughts. If I had known how to combat those problems, even after I had all my babies, I know I wouldn't have missed so many days of school or fallen into the pit of despair. I have felt so good about the school psychology path. I pray every day for confirmation it is the right path to pursue. It won't be easy by any means. But I am not afraid of a challenge! Not one whit! I know if this is God's plan for me, I will reach the end. I won't fail, no matter how steep the climb becomes. The one thing that is left to do is fast. I hate fasting! I know fasting works, but I feel so icky when I fast, it is hard. However, that being said, I know I need to fast. I need that confirmation so I can move forth with faith. Right now, I have a lot of fear in my heart. I fear I will fail. I fear I won't be any good at what school psychologists do. I fear my stupid body will freak out and I won't be strong enough to handle the stress. Fear and faith cannot exist at the same time. It isn't possible. I know if I have the confirmation this is what Heavenly Father wants me to do, I won't fear anymore. I know there is a career path for me out there. I have talents, however small they may be. I want to make the most of my life, and the only way I will do that is by trusting in my Heavenly Father and letting him guide my life. <br />
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I love my calling! I love my husband! I love my family! I love my boys! I love my pets, all seven of them. Ha ha ha! (0: I feel so good about where my life is. I never want to lose my way again. Being on the dark side of the force is a bad place to be. I love the feeling of light, joy, peace, and happiness. I hope as our family continues to move forward into the future, we will keep the light we have gained. It feels so good to be good!! (0:<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-5638551298357868922012-06-10T16:53:00.002-06:002012-06-10T16:53:25.429-06:00A Repentent PostI haven't posted here for such a long time. Shame on me! But I need to now. We have had such wonderful experiences of late. I need to write them down. <br />
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First of all, a couple of months ago, I went in to get my temple recommend renewed. While I was visiting with the stake president, we discussed the reason for our move to Logan. Of course, Ashley was huge part of that decision. I spoke just briefly about some of the experiences we had with our amazing daughter. At the end of my interview, the stake president told me he felt a very strong impression I needed to share Ashley's story in stake conference. I was speechless!! That is the best way to describe how I felt! But I knew it was what the Lord wanted me to do. Of course, I said I would be happy to!<br />
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I cried all the way home from the church. You see, in Ashley's patriarchal blessing, she was told she would be a missionary to a great many people. Her influence would bless the lives of others. At that time, she didn't think she could help anyone. She was too sick to get out of bed. Since her passing, I have seen many lives change because of her extrodinary example. Her influence hasn't stopped. She continues to inspire and lift hearts, even beyond the veil. I wanted to tell her in that moment just what a treasure her life was. Her influence was so great. She was a missionary, just by enduring to the end. What a blessing and a privilege to share her story once again, in hopes someone, somewhere, would be blessed by her experiences on this earth.<br />
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In preparation for this talk, I wanted to do all I could to stay close to the spirit. I wanted to take Ashley's name through the temple. I knew that special event would bring me close to her and to the spirit. It would focus my eyes once again on the eternal perspective. <br />
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So, Memorial Day weekend, my entire family came to Logan. We went to the temple and I was Ashley's proxy as we took our her endowments. The spirit was so strong that day! I felt it the moment I walked in the front doors. I felt it as I did her initiatory work. I felt it as we sat in the chapel, waiting for our session to begin. During the session, my heart burned in my chest. I knew my beautiful angel was near. My love for the Savior overwhelmed me! Because of Him, and his infinite sacrifice, this beautiful girl would be ours forever!!! That realization overpowered me! As I looked at my siblings and their spouses, my heart filled with gratitude and love. There is nothing in this world like sitting in the temple with those I love so dearly!!! They have been my closest supporters. What a blessing to have my family surrounding Jason and I on that special day! The spirit continued to fill all our hearts as we sat together in the celestial room. Many tears were shed. It was one of the most spiritual moments in my life and all because of my beautiful angel!!!!<br />
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The weekend that followed was crazy, but oh so much fun! We all sat and talked for hours! Our children were in heaven! There is nothing more delghtful than gathering all the grandchildren together. They love each other so much! I left the weekend feeling on top of the world, ready to face the world once again, the love of my family burning brightly in my heart.<br />
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Since that time, I continued to do all I could to invite the spirit into my life. I read my scriptures. I kept the TV off, keeping the noise of the world out of my head. I tried hard to be patient and loving with my kids, encouraging them to keep the spirit of contention out of our home. I listened to conference. I listened to John Bytheway and other uplifting speakers. I played uplifting music. Jason and I went to the temple. I fasted and most importantly, I prayed. I knew this talk was not mine to give. What needed to be said only the Lord knew. I can't tell you how earnestly I prayed and pleaded with the Lord that he would guide my every word. <br />
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Last night was a miracle! When I arrived at the church, I was still unsure which parts of Ashley's story to share. I had a few thoughts on paper, but I was starting to feel worried! What if I failed!! What if I hadn't done all I could do to invite the spirit into my heart and my life? The more I sat and thought, the more scared I got! But when it was time to speak, the spirit filled my heart. I have no idea what I said. But I know last night, I was an instrument in the hands of the Lord. The spirit was there! The Lord knew what the saints of the Logan Stake needed to hear, and he blessed those words to flow from my mouth. I take no credit! What a blessing to be able to give back to my Father in Heaven! He has given me so much! <br />
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As we sat in the session of stake conference today, the spirit continued to fill my heart. It feels so good to be on the Lord's side. For so long, I kept one foot in the world and one foot in the gospel. You can't do both! You have to pick a side. I know which side I am on. I never, EVER want to go back to the person I was a few years ago. I was so lost! I lost sight of the eternal perspective. I will be eternally grateful my little girl helped bring that eternal perspective back into focus. She is my greatest hero! I champion her life. I hope I will always live up to the amazing, valiant young lady she is. <br />
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The gospel is true! The Lord loves us! He hears and answers our prayers! He fills our hearts with peace and happiness. In our darkest hours, he comes and cradles us in the arms of his love! With God, all things are possible!!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-62382510563230587542012-04-29T16:59:00.001-06:002012-04-29T16:59:05.082-06:00Sunday April 29, 2012Wow! I can't believe it is almost May already! The past month has flown by like a whirlwind! I only have one week left of school. YEA!! I honestly can't wait for the summer break. This past year has been tough. <br />
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I have so many things to write about, I am not sure where to begin. I need to write little bits more often so when I do catch up, I am not writing a novel. Ha ha ha! (0: I had the most amazing past couple of weeks at school. At the end of March, I volunteered to have one young student added to my power hour group. This particular student has Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and he was struggling in the enrichment group. Wanting the experience of interacting with such a student, I was thrilled when they placed him in my group. At first, I wasn't sure what to expect. I was a little scared of him. I had heard he could be extremely stubborn and often refused to cooperate. I decided to take a totally different approach to the situation. I prayed about this boy and specifically asked for help in working with him. What followed was nothing short of a miracle. This boy thrived in my group! He participated. He smiled. He was great! I did see, but only a little bit, the ODD aspects of his personality. What really made my whole year was when he asked me if I could be his teacher next year. I think he felt my belief in him and my concern for his well being. I hope he did. I love all of my students, and I want them all to feel good about who they are and what abilities they have. What else was funny about this student was how much he reminded me of Austin. The mannerisms, the hyperactivity, the impulsivity: just like my son. That also made it easier to work with him. When he got fidgety, I sent him for a walk. I do the exact same thing for Austin. When this boy was irritated and frustrated, I cut down the amount of work he had to complete. I do the same thing for Austin in home-school. These are the kinds of kids I want to help. I want to be the one who steps in and gives them the tools to be successful in school and in life. I guess in a way I kind of relate to the underdogs. I was one of them. School was tough for me. I struggled with anxiety many, many times. I wish I would have had someone who could have helped me understand my body and the way my mind worked. I would have had a much easier time in school. As it was, I spent a lot of time worrying if I would be okay. At times, the symptoms of anxiety severely interfered with my ability to learn. I don't want other students to struggle like I did. <br />
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I had another cool experience this week. My temple recommend expired at the end of March. I haven't been to the temple for couple of months, so I didn't realize it was time to renew it. I was able to get an interview with the bishop last Sunday. I went in for my Stake Presidency interview on Tuesday night. President Maughan, our stake President, was the one who interviewed me. He asked me, after looking at my former recommend, what brought our family to Logan, so I mentioned a little about Ashley and school. There was a very strong spirit in the room while I spoke to this wonderful man about my sweet daugher. After the interview, he asked me if I believed in impressions of the spirit. Well, of course I said yes. I know the Holy Ghost whispers to our hearts. When the Holy Ghost whispers, we listen. (0: He preceded to tell me he felt impressed that I should share Ashley's story at the upcoming stake conference. I promptly fell over on the floor!!!!! (0: Or at least I felt like falling over! I had such a burning feeling in my heart. I knew it was what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. Then of course, I was emotional for the rest of the night. Ashley continues to bless our lives. I see more and more blessings all the time. My testimony has grown so much! Even though speaking in stake conference scares the hee-bee gee-bees out of me, I feel so humbled to have the chance to speak about my amazing angel. Somewhere out there is someone who will benefit from her experiences, and mine. Now I need the spirit with me more than ever!! What a wonderful opportunity to draw myself even closer to my Heavenly Father!! (0: I know, if I trust in Him, I will be blessed to be an instrument in his Hands and fulfill this assignment to the best of my ability. <br />
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Because of this speaking assignment, we are also going to complete Ashley's temple work. The plan was to do that anyway, but now we have a set date to attend the temple as a family. I can't wait!! Jason completed the necessary paperwork so all that needs to be done is to take that paperwork to the temple. My whole family is coming with us. I know it will be a day to remember for ever and ever!! (0: I wish I could tell Ashley just what a blessing she was to us. I hope she knows it was because of her that so many hearts have changed, so many lives are better, stronger. We needed that little girl. I pray every day I can be worthy to be with her again someday. (0:<br />
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I just plain feel good about where I am in my life. I love having the spirit with me every day. I have worked hard so I am worthy to have the spirit as my guide. Life is so scary! You never know from one moment to the next what may come your way. The trick is to be prepared ahead of time for the stormy times. Jason and I spoke in sacrament meeting today about trials. My topic was how to stay positive during the rough times. The one thing that has kept me moving forward, that has helped me to see the positive side of the dark times, is my testimony of Jesus Christ and the plan of salvation. Jesus Christ lives! He atoned for our sins so that we can return to our Father in Heaven. Death is not the end. We will be resurrected someday. We will be a family forever! These truths have helped me to keep the eternal perspective always in my sights. I haven't always been strong. I wish I could say I was. But I wasn't. I almost lost the most important thing in my life. I had to repent, and the way back was nothing short of hell on earth. I am SO glad I am not that person anymore. I will NEVER be that person again. <br />
<br />
There is so much more I could write. I have had so many wonderful spiritual experiences this week. Unfortunately, time, and upcoming finals this week, are preventing me from spending any more time here. (0: The gospel is true! I am so happy I have the gospel in my life! (0:Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-7936611060604577022012-04-15T17:25:00.002-06:002012-04-15T17:47:05.477-06:00Sunday, April 15, 2012<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;">I actually have a little time this afternoon, and so I felt I should write a few of my thoughts down in my blog. It has been a beautiful Sunday. I LOVE Sundays!! (0: I absolutely adore my new calling. Leading primary music is so much fun. I find myself coming away from church feeling uplifted and happy. Even though I am still learning, I know Heavenly Father is helping me to do the best job I can. It feels so good to serve! I have so many wonderful blessings in my life, and I love knowing I can give back at least a little of what I have been given. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;">The past week was a tough one for our family. Jason was super depressed all week long. He isn't feeling well. His stomach is giving him fits. He can't ever sleep. He has a mouth full of canker sores, (10 to be exact), so he hasn't been able to eat. He does not like his job, and desperately wants to make a career change. He is looking for other options, but nothing has come along. He needs and wants to go back to school, but the right time hasn't come yet. His schedule is too demanding for much. In addition, I have to study every free second I can get. It is so helpful to have him take care of things in the evenings so I can study. If I didn't have his help, I would be so stressed out! He keeps me sane. However, that being said, I would NEVER discourage him from enrolling in school. If that helped lift the awful depression that has overtaken him, it would be so worth it. We would find a way to make it work. I have felt so beside myself knowing what to do for him. There has to be an answer out there. We just need to find it.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;">I haven't felt very good this past week either. I have been struggling with vertigo again. I haven't had any room spinning eposides, thank goodness. But when I lay down in bed at night, and roll over from one side to another, the room will rock violently from side to side. I will feel off balance periodically throughout the day. I think that is part of the reason I was so tired all last week. When my body has to work hard to correct my balance, I do get tired. The ENT doc told me that was a side effect of the vertigo. Not fun at all! I wanted to exercise a little last week in hopes the exercise would help me to have more energy but I didn't feel like it. In addition, I felt down most of last week. I have no idea where that came from. That is the stupid thing with depression: you never know when it will come on. When it does, it is hard to pull yourself back up. Part of my problem is that I get hyper-sensitive to what people say. I had three experiences last week where something was said to me that made me feel bad about myself. You know what they say, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Well, I consented. When I block out the negative thoughts, I am happy with myself. I feel like I am putting my heart and soul into my job. I am working hard in school, and my grades reflect my dedication. Jason and I are doing well. I grumped at him a bit last week, but he still loves me, so I guess my apology was alright. (0: I feel I have a great relationship with my sons, especially Austin. I love my new calling. I think part of my problem last week came from the notion that I still don't really belong. That sounds so trite! But that is one of my internal struggles. I want people to like me. I sometimes feel like I am a square in a room full of circles. I realized last week, my apparent "squareness" and I let it bother me. I shouldn't have. In those moments, I have to step back and appreciate who I am. Not who I am not.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;">Well, homework calls my name. I have tried to ignore it for some time now, but it isn't working! Ha ha ha! I hope everyone has a wonderful coming week! (0:</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-45567003004346696362012-04-01T07:19:00.004-06:002012-04-01T08:13:39.579-06:00A Heart Full of PeaceMy heart is so full this morning. What a great time to live in this earth! What a great place I am at in my life. I feel like I am in the calm after the storm, when the sun finally shines again. The past few years have been so full of challenges for our family. I know we aren't through yet. I have to say, I really enjoy the challenges given to us. When we struggle, that is when we grow and become closer to our Father in Heaven. I know I have said this many, many times before, but I thank Heavenly Father every day for my angel girl, for every struggle we had with her, for the privilege of being her mother. My heart has changed in so many ways, and it is because of the experiences with her. I miss her every day. I can't wait for the day when I can hold her in my arms again!!! She is my inspiration. All my kids are my inspiration. I want to be the best I can be in every way so we can all be together forever someday. What a glorious day that will be!!! (0: <div><br /></div><div>Our family has had numerous blessings come into our lives over the past few months. Jason is selling homes. My boys have been happy, healthy, and peaceful. They are all doing well in school. Austin is doing great in the Utah Virtual Academy. He enjoys it very much, and also enjoys hanging out with his friends. I am so grateful for the good friends in his life right now. They are exceptional young men who are good examples to my very impressionable son. I am glad he has such good friends to enrich his life. </div><div><br /></div><div>Jason and I have had such a fun time together. Our time is very limited, between his schedule and mine, but we make a conscious effort to spend time together every week. I am so glad I have such a supportive, loving husband. I couldn't survive without him! There is no way I would! He is always there with a loving hug, an encouraging smile, or simply a gentle touch to remind me, I will be alright. We are a great team! (0: I love the closeness between us. It keeps us both pressing forward.</div><div><br /></div><div>I recently received a new calling. I was in cub scouting, but at the end of February, I was called to serve as the primary chorister. At first I was very scared. I have never served in this capacity before, and it seemed extremely intimidating. The more I prayed, the more peace I felt. I knew I would be blessed to do the best job I could. I had big shoes to fill, but I knew with constant prayer, I would be blessed to do my best. Amazingly, the more time I spent planning and working on the primary songs, the less pressure I felt from my school work. As I have mentioned before, school this semester has been tough. I have had lots to do and not enough time to do it. After I accepted this calling, my capacities to manage all the dealings in my life increased. I have felt the powers of heaven carrying me along. My burdens were lifted off of my shoulders. In addition to that, I feel so happy and full of peace. I feel the spirit with me every day, and it is such a wonderful blessing to have the Holy Ghost as my costant companion. (0: I never want to lose this feeling I have now. I know life is not going to be easy. It was never meant to be easy. But when we know where to go when we are sad, angry, hurt, discouraged, or just plain weary from this crazy journey through life, it is such a blessing to know God is always there. He helps us. He carries us when we can't walk anymore. He helps us to see the light shining brightly after the storms have raged around us for so long. </div><div><br /></div><div>Life is wonderful. We have food to eat. We have jobs that provide for our family. We have a great house to live in. We have a wonderful ward and loving neighbors who watch over us. Most importantly, we have peace. Our children have peace. (0: I hope I can treasure up this time in my life and remember the peace I feel. I know the storms will come again, but how grateful I am for the increased capacity to deal with these storms. As Richard G. Scott said in the afternoon session of conference yesterday, those who are beyond the veil are always there, loving us, cheering us on, helping us. They are ever near. I am so grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and for the knowledge that my little angel is always near, that Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, will hear and answer my prayers. In the darkest of times, they carry me along. They comfort my heart. They heal my wounds. We can see our girl again someday through the atonement of Jesus Christ. I pray I will be always stay worthy to partake of these wonderful blessings!!! (0:</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-53217993913138515132012-03-04T19:38:00.003-07:002012-04-01T08:14:16.734-06:00What a Special Weekend! (0:I can't believe it has been two years since we lost our special angel. It doesn't seem like it has been that long. It seems like yesterday she was a tiny baby, struggling to begin her life in this crazy world. In the blink of an eye, she was a elegant, generous, loving, compassionate 12 year old, eager to enter the grown-up world. It was so fun to start the journey into womanhood with her. On her 12th birthday, she was so excited to start wearing makeup. I told her I would teach her after she turned 12. We had so much fun buying makeup and experimenting with it on her. She was such a beautiful little gal. (0: I am so glad I had that last summer with her, before she really started going downhill. She and I had so many fun times, doing mommy-daughter things. I realize now, that time was such a blessing from Heavenly Father. It was a peaceful time, the calm before the storm. But what a great gift to be given those few weeks when she was able to smile, laugh, shop, and talk with her mommy! (0: I miss that so much now! I will lock those beautiful memories forever in my heart!!<div><br /></div><div>Her very last stay at Primary Children's was quite an experience. At that time, she had a double lumin PICC line put in. She was fighting with protein losing enteropathy, and was very sick. They were trying hard to do all they could for her, but we knew her life would not go on for much longer. I remember learning how to change her IV bags and learning how to care for her PICC line. It was so scary at first! But she and I became quite a team. I learned how to care for my little girl, and I feel so privileged that I was the one who cared for her every moment of every day until she passed. I look back on that time, and I treasure every single second. I never left her side. I can say I have no regrets. I loved her the very best I could. Her dad loved her the best he could. Our family survived together. We stood by her and loved her until her last breath. I know she left this life knowing she was a gift to us. She left knowing how much her family, her extended family, and her friends loved her. I will be eternally grateful to everyone that helped and supported us through that awful dark time. It was so hard, but with great faith and loving friends and family, we were able to keep moving forward. We continue to move forward, looking ahead to each new and exciting day. Ashley would want that. She would want us to smile and laugh, to enjoy every moment of being alive. I know she watches over us, and over all those she loved so much. She is never far away. Sometimes I long to cuddle her in my arms just for one more second. I long to run my fingers across her cheeks and through her soft hair, just like she always liked me to do when she was suffering so. She is truly my inspiration to live the best life I can. I want to be where she is someday, with my sweet boys and my amazing husband, reunited eternally, never to be separated again. What a glorious day that will be!!! </div><div><br /></div><div>So this weekend, in honor of our beautiful angel, we were blessed to travel to Salt Lake. We let our boys choose out what they wanted to do that their sister would have done if she were alive. We ended up going to the Hill Air Force Base Airplane museum. We took her there one time, and it was so fun. (0: We also went up to Primary Children's and walked around the hospital, remembering all the times we spent in various places. We went to cardiology. We ate lunch in the cafeteria. We also donated some toys to cardiology in her memory. It was so wonderful to be back in that amazing hospital. I know there are angels who walk those halls. When you walk inside, you can feel them. I know they are real. They watch over the precious children there. I felt them as we were walking around. I know they watched over Ashley numerous times over the years. I know they are there still. Primary Children's is truly a bit of heaven on earth. It will forever hold a special place in our hearts. </div><div><br /></div><div>After the hospital, we went to the Discovery Gateway Children's Museum. The boys had a blast there. I will say though, it is not a place for older children. It is mostly activities for children 8 and younger. Despite that, it was fun, and we all had a great time. (0:</div><div><br /></div><div>After the museum, we ended up in Murray at the Fashionplace Mall. My sister, Tammy and I ended up a Build-A-Bear and decided to build a bear in Ashley's honor. We chose out the perfect pink diva bear and decked her out in the most darling outfits. We found the perfect sparkly shoes Ashley would have LOVED! We also found the most darling crown and wand to complete her diva ensemble. It was so much fun! (0: What a great way to remember our Miss Sassy Pants! (0: </div><div><br /></div><div>We were going to go eat at Chuck-A-Rama after the mall, but it was so crowded, we decided to go for IHOP. We had to pick one of Ashley's favorite eating destinations. Thankfully, IHOP wasn't busy. We had a wonderful dinner, laughing and talking, enjoying the time as a family. Of course, the boys were eager to get to the motel. We stayed at a fantastic Fairfield Inn, with a perfect swimming pool. The rest of the evening, we swam and swam and swam. I think they boys would have been happy swimming for the entire day! (0: They truly loved that the most. After swimming, it was ice cream and bed for all of us. We were beat!</div><div><br /></div><div>This morning, we were blessed with the opportunity to go to Temple Sqauare and see the tablernacle choir. Our boys have never had that experience. It was the perfect Sunday to be at the broadcast. The orchestra performed with the choir, as did the bell choir. What a magnificient program! We left feeling uplifted and full of peace. We spent some more time, walking around Temple Square before leaving for home. </div><div><br /></div><div>I am eternally grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know it is true, with every fiber of my being. I am so thankful for temples, and for the sacred work that goes on in the temple. I am so thankful for my eternal companion, who makes every day worth living. I am so thankful for our temple marriage, for the knowledge that as long as we live the best life we can, we will be a family forever! Ashley will be ours! Someday we will see her again. We will hold her and cuddle and love her. We will know every single struggle in this life was worth it. We lived a good life. We fought a good fight, and we can finally rest from our cares and troubles, never to be separated again. I am so thankful for a living prophet who leads and guides us today. I always feel the spirit so strongly when I listen to him speak. He is such a wonderful man!! I love the Book of Mormon. It is true!! The peace I feel when I read it keeps me going each and every day. I am so thankful for my family. I have the best family EVER! My parents and siblings mean everything to me. I love them all! I am so glad we all get along so well and we are always there for one another. I would be lost without my family! What a blessing to have the parents I do. They are the best examples of Christ-like living that I know. Most of all, I am so grateful for the opportunity to have had one of heaven's most valiant spirits. I learned so much from Ashley. She was truly patient in her many afflictions. Her testimony was rock solid. Her heart was as good as a heart can be. She filled our lives with blessings. I continue to see more blessings as time goes on. She forever changed my heart and my life. I will never be the same person I once was. I am stronger. I am more humble. She gave me the valiant testimony I longed to have. She made us all appreciate our eternal family. I hope in her heavenly sphere, she knows just how loved she is!! I hope she knows what a difference her life made to so many lives, not just her immediate family. </div><div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-10125555527871846692012-02-19T10:31:00.002-07:002012-02-19T10:51:55.190-07:00A Beautiful SundayI am not going to write much today. But I have had so many blessings come my way this week, I wanted to write about them all. Last weekend, I knew this week would be busy. We had several activites on the calendar. When I looked at my school schedule, and all that was due, I felt instantly sick. Seriously, five tests, a geology assignment, a stats assignment, 6 chapters to read to prepare for those tests, 8 lectures and two videos to watch. I looked at the available time to complete those tasks and didn't see any way I would survive. As menitoned previously, I have to get high grades so I can get into graduate school. Honestly, even if I wasn't going on to grad school, I would want to get as good of grades as I was capable of. It's just now, I know I need A's. I prayed so hard last Sunday. I told Heavenly Father I was maxed out. I was trying hard to make every moment of the day count. I tried hard not to waste any time. I asked him to help me get through this week, without losing my mind. (0: I was given my own miracle. My geology assignment that normally takes me three to four hours to complete, took just under and hour, reading time included. I was able to get everything done for my abnormal psychology class. Even given the limited study time I had for the chapter, I remember what I needed to on both the quiz and the test. That was not a coincidence. I finished up the six chapters for my Abuse and Neglect class and was able to take the test without hours of additional study time. I remember what I needed to. What a miracle that was! We ended up with no school on Friday and again, tomorrow, (Monday). My wonderful sister took Austin and Preston to Burley. Without all my kids here, I have flown through my stats readings, lectures, and assignments. I still have to complete two tests for that class, but I don't feel the all encompassing panic I felt last Sunday night. Heavenly Father heard my prayers. He helped me climb all the mountains this week. Now I am in the valley on the other side, and even though there are hurdles left, they don't seem so big. With God, NOTHING is impossible. But we have to do our part. We have to ask for the help we need and then we have to trust in Him, nothing wavering. We have to do all in our power so he can help us. I tried so hard to do that! I did! I read, I worked, I prayed. And he answered! I am so thankful I know he is always there for us and that he hears and answers our prayers!!!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-48263486477689067822012-02-01T08:08:00.002-07:002012-02-01T09:00:51.465-07:00Finally a second to write! (0:<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">Wow! Today is February 1! I can't believe how quickly time has flown! I wanted to update my blog a long time ago, but I haven't had time. As it happens, I am really sick today. I got a stupid cold, which has decided to attack my entire body. YUCK!!! I didn't want to stay home today, but I felt so awful, I didn't have the strength to go to work. Not only that, but I have a full week. Life doesn't stop when you feel like dirt! (0: I figure I have one day to rest and then I have to hit my work load hard again! </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">My schedule this semester is tough. All my classes are involved classes. Usually there is at least one class per semester that is easier than the rest. This semester, that isn't the case. My biggest problem is that I have so many other things to do, I don't get a good run at my homework until late evening. By that time, I am tired and ready to crash. It doesn't make for a good study session for sure. That being said, I LOVE school! I LOVE psychology! I am learning so many fun things. I thank Heavenly Father <b>every day</b> for the wonderful opportunity to be in school. It isn't easy, but I will definitely say it has been worth every second! (Ok, so ask me that after five nights in a row of late night study sessions and early morning study sessions!) I feel in my being I am on the right career path. There is certainly a time and a season in everyone's life for education, family, etc. This happens to be my time and season for education. My kids are in school. Without Ashley, I don't have a reason to be home anymore. It helps me so much to be busy. I love my job!!! The kids I work with at school are amazing! I also work with amazing people. They are such a big help to me when I am planning my weekly lesson plans. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am actually grateful I am sick today. I have been running so hard for the past couple of weeks, my body was wearing thin. My scripture time has been pathetic. My prayers haven't been sincere, especially when I say them as I fall exhausted into bed at midnight after a long night of studying! (0: Being sick has given me the chance to slow down and examine my priorities, to look at all the wonderful blessings that are in my life. I am certainly humbled to the dust, feeling as sick as I do, and it is such a great reminder of my dependence on my wonderful Father in Heaven, and His mercy and love that have been poured upon me and upon my family in the past year. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">So what is new with the Winn Family? Well, last month Spencer ended up having surgery on his knee. That is the most exciting event I have to report. Spencer's knee had been hurting for a while. I knew something was wrong with it, but we didn't have insurance. I had applied for CHIP, but it seemed like every time we turned around, some little thing held up our application process. Fortunately, we were so blessed that CHIP came at the right time. I got Spencer in to a specialist, and we discovered he had a growth under his knee cap. They removed the growth and now, Spencer is doing great. His surgery went well. He was in minimal pain. He has gone to therapy one time, and his knee is moving almost normally now. I couldn't have asked for a better experience with surgery. Compared to what we went through with Ashley, this was a breeze! (0: Jason's wonderful dad and Kimberly sacrificed their entire day to come to the hospital on the day of Spencer's surgery. As usual, Grandpa and Grandma spoiled Spencer rotten! (0: They came bearing gifts for all the boys, and for Jason and I too. We were soooooo thankful to have Grandpa and Grandma Winn with us. Grandma Bell and my parents kept in close contact the entire day. All of my siblings called to check in on us. My ward brought us food. We were so blessed to be surrounded by angels who made a hard time easy to bear. (0:</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I feel so richly blessed over the past couple of months. As mentioned previously, December was a very difficult month for me. My emotions were all over the board. I was stressed, tired, depressed, and anxious. Over Christmas Break, I made a conscious effort to really stay close to Heavenly Father. I read some amazing books that really touched my heart. I was able to go to the temple, which filled my heart with peace. I made an effort to make my prayers as meaningful as possible. All of those things helped me so much. I also had several opportunities to serve those around me. I can't tell you how strongly I feel the spirit when I am helping others. We have had so many people do nice things for our family over the past several years. I want so much to pay it forward and to be close enough to the spirit to know what I can do to pay it forward. I have listened to the promptings of the Holy Ghost, and I have been the beneficiary of oodles of blessings that have come from listening and acting on those promptings. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">Life is a raging storm for sure. You never know from one moment to the next what may happen, what trial may come, what stumbling block may trip you on your journey back to Heavenly Father. I know one thing for sure, I want to be worthy in every way to one day be enfolded in the arms of our Savior!! I want to stand before Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and be able to tell them I did my part. I lived the best I could. I served the best I could. I endured the temptations of Satan, and became a better person because of what I learned from those experiences. Most of all, I want to be able to hold my little girl again! I miss my Ashley every second! She was such an angel! I wish everyone could have known her. She was such a happy, sparkly young lady. She taught me so much. Someday, I am going to write a tribute to her life. Mark my words, it will be done! (0: I want everyone to know what an angel she was. Her influence can be felt to this day. She changed my heart. She made me realize what was truly important. I am by far, NOT a perfect person. I have made so many mistakes in my life. But being blessed with such a valiant, perfect spirit makes me want to overcome all my weaknessess. It makes me want to be a little better every day. It gives me the strength to keep moving forward, even when the dark storms of life seem to overtake my whole body and soul. Faith in every footstep! That is my motto! One day at a time. One minute at a time. Sometimes, one second at a time. We will make it thorugh this life and then what wonderful blessings will await!!! (0:</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-51593820440767188132011-12-31T16:14:00.002-07:002011-12-31T17:40:11.527-07:00A Heartfelt ApologyWell, I did it again! I royally screwed up! I deeply offended some of my dear family members. What breaks my heart is that I didn't even realize I hurt my family. It was an honest to goodness mistake! I didn't even realize what I had done until my sweet husband brought it to my attention this afternoon. It ruined my day! I feel AWFUL!! I havne't stopped crying since. You see, I am trying so hard to be the best person I can be. I have had so many wonderful spiritual experiences over the past couple of weeks. My heart has been overflowing with happiness and peace. I have felt an overwhelming desire to right every wrong in my life, and to recommit myself to the gospel. Then came this blow today. Amongst all the good efforts I have made, I still brought sadness to someone I love very much. I hope my dear family will know how sorry I am. I will do ALL in my power to right the wrong. I hope in time, they will forgive me. I am human, and I make mistakes. I think this is one of the biggest I have made in a long time. I hope it won't scar my relationship with my family in the future. They are such an important part of our lives!!!!<div><br /></div><div>In a former blog post, I sent out a huge thank you to all of the Christmas elves who made our Christmas special this year. When I did that, I failed to mention some very important family members who contributed more than everyone else to our family this year. This isn't the first time they have helped us out. There have been numerous times they have come to our rescue. They have sacrificed precious time to come and visit our family, even though the drive was far and the sacrifice was great. They helped us move. When we moved to Logan, it was my father-in-law and brother-in-law who drove all the way from Evanston to help us make the move. It was NOT an easy venture. They worked all night long, and then had to return home the next morning for work. When Ashley was the sickest, these wonderful family members drove hundreds of miles to be by her side. I need to mention these special family members are my in-laws. I feel bad I haven't mentioned their great sacrifices before. You have to know, Ashley had an extra special love for her grandfather. She was his princess, and she always knew it. Whenever he came to see the grandkids, he always came bearing the most fun gifts. From candy to stuffed animals to remote control cars, he has been such a loving and Christ-like grandfather to all of our kids. He was always at the hospital each time Ashley had to stay. When he came to her room, he never-fail came bearing the most elaborate gifts for her. I still remember the time he gave her a giant purple care-bear. She treasured that great big bear! It was a favorite toy for a very long time. He also brought her a great big horse. There have been coloring activities, paints, books, pictures, movies, etc. I can't begin to name all of the things he gave to our angel. There was a special bond between them. I know when she passed on, she was sad to leave her grandfather. </div><div><br /></div><div>This Christmas, my father-in-law again came to our rescue. I think he bought out the toy department at numerous stores. The boys were spoiled rotten. It wasn't just the boys who were spoiled. I also received some wonderful gifts. In addition to all the presents, my father made sure we had several hundred dollars in our pocket. He made sure we knew there was more of that if we needed it. I was so touched, as was Jason!!! I honestly NEVER ever meant to forget to mention my father. He is such a good man. There are so many stories of his selfless service given to those in need. He once shared with us a story about a lady who sold fruit at a stand in Evanston one summer. She wasn't selling much, and seeing her great need, he made sure he stopped by her stand and bought tons of boxes of fruit from her. She was so grateful!! I know he made her summer. </div><div><br /></div><div>Another time, my father, knowing how much I love whippets, worked for a lady all summer long so he could purchase a whippet statue from her. He traded work for the statue, and it was not easy work. He then drove to Nampa to give it to me. My father is a wonderful man, and we love him so very much. I know Ashley loves him too. Every chance she gets, I know she sends hugs to him. I know she would want him to know how much we appreciate all the gifts, money, and time he has sacrificed so our family would know we are loved!!!! Thanks to my dear father in law, his wife, Kimberly, and their two children, Geni and Nick, who are also guardian angels to our family. We love you so much! I hope you always know how much we treasure your love and friendship!!! </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-7959261285525840412011-12-29T17:18:00.004-07:002011-12-29T18:03:51.586-07:00My Own Christmas Miracle<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghmfybTt5t-7nYcc72CvWZggIDQEb0y05PgD72vIULyx2xIKujJvJ2YOUme8ZSkuL9cmWLLb1s-aqrFjjy04GkCEvK8FkBn-U1gkCBG4_W2FpAQYX0cpBfpXJNwOR1upHufcbcc-9vh_aW/s1600/IMG_0438.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghmfybTt5t-7nYcc72CvWZggIDQEb0y05PgD72vIULyx2xIKujJvJ2YOUme8ZSkuL9cmWLLb1s-aqrFjjy04GkCEvK8FkBn-U1gkCBG4_W2FpAQYX0cpBfpXJNwOR1upHufcbcc-9vh_aW/s320/IMG_0438.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691709828744459730" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglot7Kol0OuWrUvAgjK-HF2SuUW3cx_Yo4rTjQ7Gbd3FyQoDjPqiMwLR2ILvgCOeS6NuS9YGhcfgPMO4mGIxPl5IFDw-VJhgSUS_9VC5nIctY6kOaJSZjkeqi0hmgHRpspDL2u6ntEfuXb/s1600/IMG_0437.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglot7Kol0OuWrUvAgjK-HF2SuUW3cx_Yo4rTjQ7Gbd3FyQoDjPqiMwLR2ILvgCOeS6NuS9YGhcfgPMO4mGIxPl5IFDw-VJhgSUS_9VC5nIctY6kOaJSZjkeqi0hmgHRpspDL2u6ntEfuXb/s320/IMG_0437.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691709675444782274" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;">I miss my little girl. It has been almost two years now since she left this life for the next. You would think time heals all wounds. Pain fades with time, but it never leaves your heart. When you love someone so much, and they die, there is a huge hole that remains. It doesn't go away. You never know when that hole will begin to hurt. You never know when the pain will wash over you. It might be a song on the radio. It might be a toy in a toy store. It might be a song in church. When it comes, it hurts so much! For the longest time, I felt it was a sign of weakness to be sad, to show my emotions. I felt I was weak because I was depressed. But you know what? I have learned it is okay to cry. I am NOT weak because I get sad. I am not weak because I struggle with depression. These are normal ways of dealing with grief. It is all part of the healing process. I didn't understand that. I once had a lady tell me about her friend, who had lost a child to cancer. This lady said how her friend was always so happy and cheerful. She didn't cry. She carried on with a big grin on her face every day. I immediately went home and felt like the worst person in the world. I wondered if I was being a baby because I wasn't smiling all the time. I wondered if I lacked faith because I felt depressed. I wondered if I was silly for watering my pillow at night with my tears. This Christmas, I learned so much about faith, hope, and grief. It all began shortly before Christmas. I received a package in the mail from my wonderful aunt. She sent me two books: "The Christmas Box" and "The Christmas Box Miracle". I read the Christmas Box years and years ago. I didn't even remember the story. I decided to read The Christmas Box Miracle first. I devoured it in two days. Each time I opened the book, I felt the spirit fill my heart. I felt peace and I felt comfort. It was a reminder to me of how very much our Heavenly Father is mindful of all who have lost children in this world. The story of the Christmas Box was a gift given to Richard Paul Evans to bring comfort to grieving hearts around the world. I know this to be true. It was crazy, but as I read of the wonderful experiences Richard Evans had as he promoted his book, and letters he has received since, I felt a connection to those people. For the first time in a long time, I felt understood. I was overcome with a desire to visit one of his special angel statues. I felt by doing so, I would find another place where I could truly grieve and heal my broken heart.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;">Now for the true miracle of this Christmas. I told Jason I didn't need anything for Christmas. He was determined to get me a little something. He said he had gone to the Hallmark store to look for something uplifting for me. He found a special statue of a couple which he really liked. As he continued to browse the store, he stumbled across an angel statue. He said he was so taken with the statue, he looked at it several times. In the end, he decided, in honor of our December 22 anniversary, to get me the couple statue. When he went to the counter to check out, the lady went to the back to get item he requested. When she returned to the front, she opened the box to make sure it was the right statue. Inside the box, instead of the statue, was the angel!!! The lady couldn't explain it. But Jason knew. I needed that angel statue. He bought it for me. When I opened it on Christmas day, I was overcome with emotion. It was like Ashley came and gave me a huge bear hug!!! I felt her near, and that feeling did not leave me the entire day. I didn't need to go to Richard Paul Evan's angel shrine. I had one of my own. It was the best gift I could have ever received. (0: I knew it was my own special Christmas miracle. Ashley wanted us to know she was near. What a wonderful blessing!!!!</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-87914350940753058662011-12-29T16:05:00.002-07:002011-12-29T17:18:01.151-07:00December 29, 2011<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;">I can't believe it is almost 2012! My how time flies! The past couple of weeks have been wonderful! I am so proud to say my hard work paid off last semester. Once again, through the miraclous power of the Holy Ghost, I passed all my classes with A's. I could not have done it alone, especially Stats. I can't describe the feeling when I finished my last final. I felt like a 200 pound rock had been lifted off my body. It was great! In addition to that, the bishop told me I was going to be released as Cubmaster. That too lifted a tremendous burden off of my person. I enjoy the calling, but it has not been easy for me. I am glad to pass it along to the next person. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;">As I mentioned before, Christmas is hard for me. Jason and I were so stressed this year. Our financial situation has not been great. We are plugging along, barely surviving paycheck to paycheck. Honestly, we did not know how we would have any money for Christmas. Our savings was depleted. We don't have anything of value to sell. Jason is a gifted salesman. He could sell a pound of dirt if he wanted to. (0: However, you can't sell what you don't have. We sat our kids down and told them there wouldn't be much this year. They all agreed that was alright. We talked quite a bit about all the good things we do have. There are so many! I was so grateful my children were able to see them as well. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#993399;">The closer we got to Christmas, the more blessings came our way. It all began with a knock on our door one afternoon. It was our bishop. He had been given money anonimously, to give to a family in the ward. He felt the money should be given to us. I was speechless. In addition, the same day, my younger siblings put their money together and sent Jason and I money for Christmas. Two nights after that, our doorbell rang about 9:30 p.m. We discovered an envelope with money taped to our door. In addition, there were three gifts for the boys. The next morning, our doorbell rang again. There stood a woman we did not know. She filled our porch with groceries and left two sacks full of presents for the boys. The only thing she said was that it was from someone who loved us. That night, our doorbell rang again. By this time, we were scared to open the door. (0: Another envelope full of money was taped to the door. All I could do was cry! Because of the generosity of others, our family had a wonderful, simple Christmas. Our fridge and freezer are currently stocked with food. We were able to put a little money back into savings. It was our own special miracle! I knew Heavenly Father was mindful of our little family. We weren't insignificant. We were important. The windows of heaven were opened and the blessings were poured on our family. I don't know who the special elves were who reached out to us. Even if we knew, how can you ever thank someone for such generosity? You can't. We will forever be in their debt. It was a lift we needed. It was a lift I needed. Miracles do happen today. In those moments when we need a lift, if we reach out to our Father in Heaven, He will answer our prayers. He will send his angels to attend to our needs. The angels came. And we were blessed.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-84548294203214391652011-11-24T06:33:00.002-07:002011-11-24T07:22:09.978-07:00Happy Thanksgiving! (Nov 24, 2011)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#6600cc;">I haven't blogged in forever, and I feel I need to. So much has happened over the past little while. I need to catch up. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#6600cc;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#6600cc;">Life for me right now is hard. Not that it isn't hard for anyone else. Everyone has their own struggles and burdens. This I know. For me personally, this is a time of testing once again. As I mentioned in a previous blog, Austin was struggling at Mount Logan Middle School. It wasn't just his grades. He was physically ill every day. He was cutting himself, and he developed an ulcer from the worry and stress he was experiencing. I saw how hard school was for him, and I made a pretty rash decision: to pull him out and enroll him in the Utah Virtual Academy. It was a good decision. He became a different kid. We are now treating the ulcer and he is feeling 10 times better. He has been so happy with his school work. It is easier for me to keep on top of what he is doing and to guide him in knowing what to do every day. He is already on the honor roll, and his self-esteem grows every day. The only problem with this arrangement is the time involved. As you know, I already have a hefty schedule. With work and school, my time was already scrunched. Not long ago, in addition to my cubmaster calling, I was asked to run our Webelos den. I love the cub scouting program. I believe in what it teaches. I have seen how the boys in our ward have grown through participation. I knew our Webelos were not having den meetings. I didn't want them to end up like Austin: not progressing because of bad leadership. When the ward leaders were unable to find a replacement den leader, I volunteered, thinking it wouldn't be too hard. That was before I knew my son needed me to help him. I have tried so hard to carry all these roles. But unfortunately, I can't keep up with it all. I am crashing and burning, BAD! I don't have time for anything anymore. I go to work, come home, study with Austin, pick my other kids up from school, hang out with them, study, do a little cleaning, fix dinner, and study some more. My exercise time has gone down the tubes. It will be better once my semester is over. This last stretch has been awful. I have several big projects to complete, which I didn't start previously because I had so many other weekly things to do. There wasn't time. Now in addition to the weekly things, I have to fit these projects in and there is only a couple of weeks left to do it in. On top of that, I have Austin's school. On top of that I have two cub scout responsibilities. On top of that, I have visiting teaching and trying to be a helpful friend and neighbor. My husband is also in a vulnerable place and needs lots of TLC. I have tried hard to spend as much time with him as I can. I haven't been to the temple in forever! I am getting up at 5:30 every day to fit in my scripture time. That is hard because I stay up late getting my homework done. I can feel the unbalance in my life. But I am not sure how to gain it back. My body is starting to complain. I feel sick again, like I did when Ashley was dying. That makes me even more discouraged. I don't have time to be less than 100%! Consequently, I am depressed as well. This time of year is always hard for me. It feels stressful every year. I truly meant what I said when I stated I don't like Christmas time. I love what it stands for. I love doing things for other people. I love the opportunity to celebrate the birth of our Savior. But the mechanics, YUCK! Just more things to get done and never enough money to do it with. I always end up feeling tired, sick, and depressed. It has been that way for several years now. It is worse now that we don't have Ashley. I dread taking out the Christmas things. We have so many that remind me of her. I am already sad. I don't need any help! Anyway, it takes me most of the month of January to get feeling like a person again. I just don't like this time of year. Okay, off the Christmas kick now. Something has to go! But what? I feel if I don't carry all these responsibilites, I won't be good enough. I won't measure up. I should be strong enough to handle it all. But at the same time, I am hitting the bottom. I don't like being there. I have been there many times in the past year, and it stinks!! </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#6600cc;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#6600cc;">All that being said, I know there is something to be learned through these experiences. One lesson I feel I still haven't learned is that we all have limits and we have to accept what our individual limits are. Some of us are able to do more than others. And that is fine. As long as we are doing the best we can, that is good enough. Heavenly Father loves us for what we can do, and not what we can't. I have a good friend in Nampa who perfectly understands this concept. She can only handle so much stress in her life and then her fibermyalgia kicks in and she has to step back. Despite her struggles, she manages to keep her life in balance. She serves and loves and lifts and builds as much as she can. She knows her limits and she stays in those limits. She is happy with who she is. Not who she is not. I wish I could be more like her. I am constantly comparing myself with others, especially my older sister, a literal superwoman, who seems to never hit the bottom. I need to be happy with who Connie is, and not who I am not. I really try hard to do all I can. I am giving my all. As you know, I have carried our Cub Scout program on my shoulders for a long time without any support. Some of my pack meetings were dumb. But I did the best with the resources and help I had. I have to learn to accept that I have done my best and that is what matters most. I have to accept that I am not my sister. I don't have her talents and abilities. But at the same time, I have my own strengths. Right now, I can't see them. All I see is that I am barely scraping by from day to day, keeping up with my life. But my strengths are there. I will survive this time. With lots of prayer and faith, I will be able to see what I can let go of, and be okay with that. Heavenly Father will continue to lift me up and help me to deal with life as it comes. Trials keep us humble. They help us keep the eternal perspective in view. I know this. I have learned this so many times in my lifetime. There is one thing I never, EVER want to do again: lose my way and forget what is truly important, who it is who will get me through. I lost my way once, and it was a hellish time in my life. I know I want to be with my family in the celestial kingdom someday. I want to hold my beautiful daughter in my arms again. I miss her so much! I think of her and her example every day. I am so thankful she was given to us. I am so thankful all of my children were given to us. They are so special and they teach me so many things. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#6600cc;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#6600cc;">So I will keep pressing forward, faith in every footstep!!!! </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-89473313116739714252011-10-30T11:28:00.002-06:002011-10-30T12:27:22.159-06:00Sunday October 30, 2011<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#3333ff;">I can't believe it is the end of October already! Man, how time flies! I haven't written in such a long time. I have been so busy. In addition to school and work, kids, husband, and being cubmaster, I was also given the assignment of being a Webelos leader. I was hesitant to offer my services to help run Webelos. My life is so hectic as it is. But I am already at the church anyway so our Wolves can hold den meetings. We only have one Wolf leader and without me at the church, we don't have two deep leadership. So why not just run Webelos why I am there? The webelos's requirements are fun, and I enjoy planning the den meetings. Spencer is a Webelos now as well. I would be helping him at home, so why not help the others at the same time? I am not sure my logic is so logical, but I am truly coming to LOVE the scouting program. I never appreciated it before, and now I do. It is so good for the boys. It gives them something good to participate in. It teaches them wonderful skills that will make them more successful in later life. It means I have to be on the ball. I can't waste any time at all. If I am not studying, or helping my kids, or cleaning house, I have to plan for scouts. But you know, I don't mind. I feel it is what I am supposed to do. I know Heavenly Father will help me. I have been so blessed already. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#3333ff;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#3333ff;">As far as the rest of my family, we are doing alright. Jason is working hard at his new job. I won't say he is happy, but he always puts his heart and soul into everything he does. He enjoys the people he works with. They are good people, so much better than those at Verizon. We are still struggling financially. That part is hard for Jason. He likes to be a good provider. In the past, we were blessed to survive financially. We weren't rolling in the dough, but we always had sufficient for our needs. At the current time, we have had to ask for help to survive. Jason hates that! It won't be forever though. I am only three semesters short of my bachelor's degree. I will be attending graduate school, but I am hoping I can work and complete my master's degree at the same time. That will help. I don't make much money now, but I will say, I absolutely love the kids I work with. I have enjoyed my literacy groups immensely this year. I know there are always ways to become a more effective teacher, but I feel way more confident in my abilities this year than last. I wish there was some way I could help Jason understand that it doesn't matter to me if we don't have much money. We have so many wonderful blessings. We are so happy as a couple, and as a family. We have food on our table, and a roof over our heads. Life is wonderful! </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#3333ff;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#3333ff;">My kids for the most part have been doing wonderfully well. I have been desperately worried about my Austin. He has not been okay. I should have been more on top of what was happening at middle school. He seemed happy, and he seemed to be doing well with his school work. This pretty picture crumbled when I found out he was being bullied at school. I won't go in details, but one day he called me from school and said he was very sick. I went and picked him up, but I could tell from the moment I saw him something else was bothering him. That day he opened up to me about these boys at school that had been picking on him for some time. I immediately spoke to the principal, who was fantastic at handling the situation. Not long after that incident, we discovered Austin had been cutting himself at school. He had scratches all over his left arm, from hand to elbow. It looked like he fought a mad kitty and lost. Of course, I went into panic mode. I spoke to the counselor and the principal again, pleading for help for my son. He was sinking more than I realized. It wasn't just the bullying. Because of his ADHD, he was unable to keep track of his work. He wasn't completing assignments. He had F's in every class but one. I had no idea how overwhelmed he was. The cutting was one sign of the stress he was under. I felt horrible!!! The school counselor did meet with Austin a couple of times, trying to help him. She was great, but what he needs is intervention from a behavior specialist, like we had in Nampa. He needs a person who can give him the tools to be a middle school student and manage his ADHD. He is medicated and that should help. However, the medication is such a pain in the butt! It makes him depressed, unable to sleep, and feeling sick. But without it, he can't focus at all. But with it, he still feels like a zombie. It is a vicious cycle. He doens't like school, and he doesn't like himself. He feels like he is the bad kid in the family. That broke my heart!! I hope nothing I say or do makes him feel that way. He is a wonderful young man. I have been so proud of him. I told him he has to remember that he is twice as strong as everyone else. What comes easy to most people is very difficult for him. That isn't his fault. It doesn't mean he is a bad person. It means he has been given a challenge from Heavenly Father and if it his challenge, he will be given the strength to face it head on and win. We are considering pulling him out of Mount Logan and enrolling him in the Utah Virtual Academy, at least for this year. I have been praying about his decision, and I feel good about K12. It was the same charter school Ashley was in before. I loved their curriculum. I am familiar with how the program works. The one problem is that I will need to help him. I don't have much time for that, but if it is the right thing to do, we will do it. I want him to feel good about being Austin. We filled out all the paperwork, and tomorrow I will have the final interview with a K12 specialist to see if Austin can get in. We will see. I just want my son to be okay! I love him so much!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#3333ff;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';color:#3333ff;">Well, I need to get moving on with the day. There is much to be accomplished and only so much time to do it in. (0: I am so grateful for my life. Even with all the challenges, there is much to be thankful for. I thank Heavenly Father every day for my little girl, for what she taught me. I thank Him for my three wonderful little boys. They are so special to me, and I am proud of each one of them. They make my life worth living. And most of all, I am so grateful for my darling husband. He is my shinging star in every way. I would not be happy without him and his constant love and support. We are a team, and with one another, we can face anything! (0:</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-78103501142240822002011-09-25T07:59:00.002-06:002011-09-25T08:24:32.857-06:00Just Plugging Away! (Sept 25, 2011)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333ff;">I haven't written for a while, but with good reasons. Life has been busy. But I have to say, I am happier right now than I have been in a very long time. I know it is because I am filling my life with the things of God. Attending the temple has helped me so much! I know I have been blessed with peace because of the time I take to serve in our beautiful Logan temple. I also have made an effort to study the scriptures for at least 30 minutes every day. It means I get up very early, but it is so worth that sacrifice! Are all my morning study sessions the most efficient? Probably not. Sometimes it is all I can do to stay awake! (0: But I am putting good habits into place and it feels great!!</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333ff;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333ff;">I love my classes this semester. They are challenging, but so fun. Statistics has been one of the classes I love most. My teacher is amazing! When I read the material in the book, I always come away feeling so lost. Then I listen to her lectures and it is like a big lightbulb lights up in my brain. I actually understand the concept and it is fun to complete my assignments. I never thought I would say that I love statistics! But I do. I can't express my gratitude for the opportunity to learn and prepare for the future. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333ff;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333ff;">I am also exercising regurlarly. I love my exercise time! I can feel myself getting stronger every day. It isn't easy. There are days when I don't want to workout, but the end result is worth the time. I feel happier and more alert. My weight goal hasn't been met yet, but again, I am creating habits that will bless my life and it feels great!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333ff;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333ff;">Jason started his new job on Friday. I knew he would be blessed to find a job quickly. He has such amazing skills, and it didn't take long for the employers to see what an asset he would be to their company. Jason received two job offers in one day. After praying about both, he decided to tak the job at Factory Outlet, which is a manufactured home dealership. The great part of this job is that Jason has tons of experience. He worked at two different manufactured home dealerships in the past, both selling and managing them. It is something he is comfortable doing. The struggle he has now is that he wants to get out of sales and move to an IT position. He started the process last week of enrolling in Western Governor's University to pursue an IT degree. It won't be a quick process, but it is what he wants to do. I know he will do great. It is always scary to go back to school. I had so many emotions when I started back at Utah State. Jason still doubts himself. His self esteem is very low. But I know he can do it! I will try my hardest to support him. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333ff;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333ff;">The boys are doing great! Spencer has been blessed to find a good friend. Preston loves his teacher and has a wonderful group of friends as well. Austin is prospering at the middle school. He loves all his classes, and so far has good grades. He is in band and plays the flute, which he loves. I never thought Austin would enjoy band. I figured it would be too much practicing and sitting still for him. But I was wrong. He is doing well, and he loves it! I have been happy with his new friend group. He is friends with boys from the ward now, and good boys at that! They have good standards, and they are great kids to have around. Not that Austin's former best friend was bad. He just didn't have the same standards, and I was always worrying about what Austin was exposed to. He is still Austin's friend, but they aren't together every day like they used to be. Austin hangs around with Josh now. Josh is a great kid with super awesome parents. I am happy about that! (0:</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333ff;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333ff;">Austin has the priesthood now. I can't tell you how proud I was of him on the first Sunday he passed the sacrament. He looked to grown up! He has loved Young Men's. On Friday they went to the temple to do baptisms for the dead. Austin was so delighted to get to go! (0: He told me how warm and happy he felt inside while he was in the temple and we had a good discussion about that. I just LOVE the temple!!! I always felt the spirit there when I was younger. I am so happy Austin was able to feel it too!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333ff;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333ff;">Well, I need to write more, but it is time to get ready for church. I am just so thankful for this time in my life. It is a happy time. I feel so good about myself. I love feeling the spirit every day. This is what life is all about. It isn't about gaining earthly things. It is about filling your life with the things of God. It is about coming closer and closer to Heavenly Father and His beloved son, Jesus Christ. It is about making the most of every day. It is about serving those around you. It is about attending the temple and feeling the peace in that most Holy Place. It is about teaching your children to love their Father in Heaven and rejoicing with them as they accomplish each milestone on their journey through this life. </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-13691664347064251232011-09-05T15:22:00.003-06:002011-09-05T16:14:58.645-06:00Labor Day Weekend 2011<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#009900;">I feel like I am in the eye of the storm. My job started last week, as well as my classes for this semester. As I predicted, this semester is going to keep me hopping. Right from the get go, I had three assignments due. I also had lots of reading. But you know what? I feel so good about what I am accomplishing. I know I am on the road to a better life for my family, and it is going to be so worth it in the end. I love learning. I love the opportunity to improve myself. I am so excited to continue on this path. It is going to be tough, but since when have I run from a challenge? Ha ha ha! (0:</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#009900;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#009900;">I absolutely LOVE working at the school. This year, I am in such a better place emotionally and physically that I was last year. I know what is in store for me. I am not adjusting to a new life like I was last year. I am not wound up like a tight ball of twine like I was last year. I have found the balance in my life I needed then. It is a great place to be. I feel like I have more tools in my belt to help me cope with my busy life. I can't wait to start teaching my groups. It looks like I will be in kindergarten, 4th and 5th, unless the DIBELS test scores change things. I am not expecting that to happen, but it might. I hope I do get to work with the 5th graders. They were so fun last year. It was challenging, but they are hilarious. I also hope I get to teach writing. I loved my writing groups. Writing has become something I really enjoy. I want so much to convey that to my students. It is not an easy skill to master, but they can improve if they keep practicing. Tell that to a 5th grader though! (0:</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#009900;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#009900;">This weekend was a blast. I thought I better write about it while I actually have time. After today, my life is going to be drastically different. Every spare moment I have will be filled with studying. I know I won't get to blog much. I have to say, this weekend has been the most enjoyable one I have had in a long time. I don't know why it was so different. It just was. Perhaps it was because Dawn's husband ended up in the hospital with a bowel obstrution. We originally planned to go to Bear Lake on Saturday. But late Friday night, when Jaxon came home from work in horrible pain, our plans changed. Jaxon has Krohn's disease. It has been controlled for many years now, but for some reason, it flared up badly. When we knew he was desperately sick, facing major surgery to correct the obstruction, our family went into crisis mode. That is one of the things about my family I love most. When one of us goes down, the rest come to the rescue. We pull together like no other. This weekend was no exception. Dawn had purchased lots of food for our Bear Lake excursion, so we had plenty of lunch items. Jason and I, along with my parents and other sisters, also contributed. Needless to say, it was super easy to fix meals. We had food coming out our ears. (0: We brought all the kids to my house and let the cousins play together. They all get along so well. It is always fun for them to be together. We fixed lunch and dinner, and made sure Dawn could be at the hospital as much as possible. Dad and Jason went to the hospital in the later afternoon and gave Jaxon a blessing. We pretty much hung out and visited with one another for the rest of the day. There was such a close feeling amongst us this weekend. I always feel close to my family. But for some reason, this weekend, I felt something I haven't felt before. I was overwhelmed with feelings of love for each of my family and extended family members. I can't describe what it was. It made me so thankful and appreciative for the wonderful family I was blessed to become a part of. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 21.6px; color: rgb(0, 153, 0); "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#009900;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Yesterday was another wonderful day for Jason and I. Our son passed the sacrament for the first time! He looked so amazing, all dressed up in his white shirt and tie. The other cool part was that he was able to pass the sacrament to us. Mom and Dad and Tammy were able to come, so he passed to them as well. I never knew I could feel so much pride! I wanted so much to tell him how proud of him I was. It was fast Sunday, and I knew I should bare my testimony. There were so many others who were sharing their testimonies, and being the chicken I was, I kept thinking to myself I would go up after so and so. Then it didn't happen. Our meeting went over and I didn't get a chance to tell Austin from the pulpit, how proud I was of him and the righteous decisions he is making in his life. I also wanted to tell my parents how grateful I am for them, and their righteous examples. Our family is strong because of them. We know how to pray. We know how to pull together. We know how to work hard and how to raise our kids to be upright and virtuous. We know these things because of what they taught to us. I wanted them to know what a good job they did. Then, I blew my opportunity. I missed my chance. The boat left without me. (0: I wanted to write that in this blog so they would know what fine parents they have been and still are. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#009900;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#009900;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The rest of our Sunday was spent playing games, visiting, and walking at Riverwalk. The best and most miraculous part of the day was when Jaxon was released from the hospital. The last time he had a bowl obstructiont, he was in the hospital for five days before it cleared. The doctors thought for sure he would be in for a while, and possibly still face surgery. I know the priesthood blessing made him well. He was promised he would recover without complications. And he did! He still has to be on a soft diet for a few days and rest, but it is a miracle he recovered so quickly. Priesthood blessing work! We were all so glad to have him with us instead of in a cold, hospital bed.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#009900;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#009900;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">This morning, my wonderful parents and two sisters came with me to First Dam to walk the Bonneville Shoreline trail. For this month's pack meeting, our pack is going on a hike. The problem is, I don't know where to go. Dawn found out from a co-worker about the Shoreline trail. Her co-worker said it was a fun walk, and in an easy location for us to drive to. We only have an hour for pack meeting before mutual starts, so we need to go somewhere close. I considered Riverwalk, but many people have been there. It might be boring. We decided to scout the trail. It was just over two miles long and kind of steep in the beginning, but overall, it was wonderful! I found out there is a darling little park at First Dam, with nice covered picnic areas. We won't have time to hike the entire trail, but it will be a super fun activity for pack meeting. I was grateful they were able to come with me. I am not sure when I would have had time otherwise. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#009900;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#009900;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">We had a huge barbecue with lots of yummy food afterwards. Then everyone headed for home. I know I have to get back to the grind soon. There is lots of be done. But what a wonderful weekend with my family! I enjoyed every minute. I am so thankful for the peace that has come into my life. I have tried so hard to live as good as I can. I make sure I study, not just read, but really study from the scriptures every morning. I have been faithful with my prayers. I attend the temple every week. I have included exercise and I am eating better than I have in a long time. I have eliminated all the temptations which side track me from where I want to be, including smutty television programs. (0: It feels so good to be good! How grateful I am for the gospel of Jesus Christ! I love knowing life has a purpose. I love knowing I am not alone and when life gets hard, I have a loving Father in Heaven and His Beloved, Son, Jesus Christ, who will be there to lift me back up and keep me moving forward. </span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-16237357345048978352011-08-25T22:07:00.002-06:002011-08-25T22:34:36.512-06:00School Begins! (0:<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">What a week this has been! Wow! It is Thursday and I am exhausted already! I am happy to report my children are all settled in school and doing well. Preston ended up with Mr. Holmgren this year. He is a fabulous teacher. I was in his room a little last year, and I was always impressed with how well his classroom ran. He never raised his voice. Yet his students knew what was expected of them, and they respected his rules and expectations. I wish I could command my groups like Mr. Holmgren. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">
<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">Spencer has Mrs. Gish. She is going to be fabulous! This is her first year teaching, but fortunately, she substituted for Mrs. Deaton last year so Spencer already knew her. He loved her as as sub and he loves her now. The principal additionally placed Spencer in the same class as his friend, Seth. Last year was a horrible year for Spencer. He was unhappy and he didn't have any close friends. The changes in our family just about did him in. He was physically sick and emotionally distraught. The school counselor did not help at all. As soon as summer came, his stomach aches disappeared. He was happy and relaxed. The minute he knew school was starting, his stomach pains returned. He shed many tears, and I prayed my heart out this year would be better for him. The minute we walked into the classroom on Back to School Night, I knew all would be well. He had a wonderful teacher he already knew. The teacher placed him right next to Seth. Spencer came home with a ear to ear grin. So far, he is happy. He has a friend. I couldn't be happier!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">
<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">Austin began middle school today. I really like the way Mount Logan handles the incoming 6th graders. They started the 7th and 8th graders yesterday, and the 6th graders stayed home. Today the 6th graders attended and the 7th and 8th graders stayed home. It gave those 6th graders a wonderful opportunity to get a feel for the school without so many others in their way. Austin did well. I was the one who was a mess! I was worried about him getting to class on time. His locker was broken when we were at orientation last night, and I worried it would not be fixed today. I worried about him finding the bus at the school to bring him home. My prayers were heard! He didn't have any problems, except at lunch. The stupid lunch line was so long, he didn't get to eat before the bell rang. Tomorrow I will send him a lunch so he won't get stuck in line like he did today. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day, other than the lunch glitch. He was blessed. He liked his classes. His locker was fixed and way better than before. He made friends and found a girl he likes. (Imagine that!) He was happy! I hope tomorrow will be as good of day for him. Lots of prayers yet to be said!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">
<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">I also feel so blessed! I was online last night and discovered I was charged too much tuition for this semester. The financial aid I was planning to use for books and rent was non-existant! They charged me student fees I had never seen before and tacked on an out of state tuition charge. I was so distraught! I didn't understand why the charges were there, when they weren't previously. I didn't know how we would afford my books. They are going to cost me 500.00 this semester. That is saving money by buying used books off line. I had to buy a calculator for stats, which cost us 100.00, which we already bought (included in the $500). On top of that, our van died two times last night. Fortunately, Jason was driving because we were in the construction zone. We just spent 150.00 fixing the van a few weeks ago. Obviously, it isn't fixed yet. I was super upset about that as well. We don't have the money for expensive vehicle repairs. I am scared to drive the van for fear it will die in the middle of an intersection. It will start again, but only after sitting for a couple of minutes. The mechanic doesn't know what the problem is either. He can't get the van to duplicate the problem. With the worry over Austin's first day today, I was a wreck last night. I got up early this morning and studied and prayed for a while. After the boys went to school, I called Utah State and fixed my tuition crisis. As it was, I registered for a campus class and thus the reason for the extra charges. What a relief to find out I will receive the money for books and rent after all! Jason talked to the mechanic this morning. I don't know what we will do with the van yet, but at least we have Jason's car. It is a stick, but I am getting pretty darn good at driving it. I think we will take the van to the repair shop in the morning for an evaluation to see what we are in for. Hopefully, we can afford to fix it. I know I was blessed today. All of the things I worried about melted away. My school is okay. Austin did well. We are working on the van. I can afford my books. And tonight, I was at peace. The stressed, scared feeling totally fled my person. I knew all would be alright. Next week, the whirlwind continues. School begins. Work begins. I have to learn to manage our new morning routine, with Austin catching the bus so early. But we will survive! As I said previously, with God, all things are possible!! (0:</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-83448424044754893322011-08-21T23:43:00.009-06:002011-08-22T12:04:49.796-06:00The Journey of Sheeka<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNK90082qpm02TA6gpd7SWwq8k0UiIiCOCwXziQxJceD5QLHodTgYii8bLmPuCsxvmiBAECqBAOfYBFdwBM6Hqv4MMhoJZUy9Hwko2NWdj-60092_bwLVsKcIAZdZjgDAeBZ1JgugeSonu/s1600/IMG_0332.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNK90082qpm02TA6gpd7SWwq8k0UiIiCOCwXziQxJceD5QLHodTgYii8bLmPuCsxvmiBAECqBAOfYBFdwBM6Hqv4MMhoJZUy9Hwko2NWdj-60092_bwLVsKcIAZdZjgDAeBZ1JgugeSonu/s320/IMG_0332.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5643742790071368482" /></a>
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<br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">For those of you who don't know, not long ago, while visiting Grandma Bell in Brigham City, my boys discovered a beautiful female Gopher snake crawling down the road. We captured her and brought her home. She is now a part of our little zoo. (Yes, we have a zoo. We have two dogs, two birds, two fish, one snake and three stray cats we feed!) The snake's original name was Bully, but due to our discovery that the "he" was a "she", the snake became Sheeka. Well, two weeks ago, our Sheeka shed. I was sure after she completed the shedding process, she would eat again. Thus far, she has had no appetite. I have been very concerned about her and her happiness. I decided a couple of days ago to let her crawl around the cupboard in the kitchen, in the sunshine, hoping a little freedom might perk her up. At first, it was fine. She slithered up into the window seal and in and out of the blinds. She layed in the open window, basking in the sun. It was great! Since it was successful to let her crawl then, I figured she could do that same today and be fine. How wrong I was! She discovered a little ledge at the top of window, which she happily crawled into. The ledge itself wasn't a problem. The problem was getting her out again. We were meeting my sister and her family at Riverwalk, so we had to get her off the ledge and back into her cage before departing. Well, being comfortable in her little niche, she didn't want to come out. I got this brillant idea that we could gently nudge her with a straw to get her to move. Well, she did move when we prodded her, but she discovered a hole in the window in which she quickly crawled. This particular hole was on the top right side and went all the way down the window frame. (In my defense, I did not realize the hole was present!) There was no way to access that hole except from the top right of the window or the bottom left of the window. I am not doing a good job explaining. Let me just say, we thought Skeeka was lost and gone forever in the interior wall of our house. The kids started crying. It was pandemonium! My sweet Spencer came to me, with his pure little heart, and begged me to gather everyone for a special prayer that we could get our snake out of the wall. We all knelt down and I said a quick but heartfelt prayer that if it were possible, we could find a way to retrieve our snake. In the mean time, my handyman husband went to work trying to scare her out. At first he lit matches and held them to the hole opening. That didn't work. Then he got his compressor and blew air into the hole. That made her tail come out of the hole, but she was still inside. He finally got the idea to use alcohol. He put an alcohol soaked cottong ball up to the hole and guess what?? Our snake came out of the wall!!!! It was a miracle for the Winn Family! The boys all hugged her. We made sure she was not hurt and promptly returned her to her cage. We had a wonderful discussion about how Heavenly Father answers our prayers, especially when we have great faith in Him. In this instance, it was His will our snake come out of the wall before she died and stunk up our house. (0: I know my sweet boys will remember forever the day Sheeka was rescued from possible death. </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-18876429265267666622011-08-21T18:43:00.003-06:002011-08-21T23:43:20.697-06:00Sunday August 21<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6633FF;">I can't believe school begins this week! It seems like yesterday the kids were starting their summer vacation. I feel both excited and nervous all at the same time. Spencer and Preston will begin on Wednesday. Austin won't start until Thursday. I can't believe I have a middle schooler this year! Of course, Ashley would be entering 8th grade, but when she was in 6th grade, she was too ill to go to school. We were homeschooling, so I didn't have to watch her make that school change. Austin is way excited to enter middle school. Last week at registration, we found all his classes, and practiced with his locker. He isn't a bit nervous. But I am!! I worry about bullies and him being tardy for class. I worry about lunch time and if he will have people to hang around with. Austin is my social kid. He hasn't ever had problems finding people to hang out with. But I still worry! Believe it or not, I am sad because I won't get my "mom" hug every day like I did last year. I taught 5th grade power hour and never fail, at the end of group, he would come find me and give me a big hug. Those hugs meant the world to me! I won't get my treasured "mom" hug with him at a different school. I don't think he would think it was cool anyway. (0: But who knows!! (0:</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6633FF;">
<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6633FF;">It is late and I am tired so I won't write a huge novel tonight. I did want to say two things about today. First of all, I did speak to the bishop about cub scouts. This morning in bishop brick meeting, Bro. Phillips mentioned to the bishop the poor turnout for pack meeting and the lack of leaders present. The bishop was already aware of most of my concerns. We talked about several solutions. I came away feeling much relieved! I don't want to give up on this calling. I really enjoy planning the activities. It makes me proud when my hard work pays off, even in the smallest ways. I think with changes in leadership our program will improve by leaps and bounds. I will continue to pray we will be guided to those who will help us make our cub program more successful.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6633FF;">
<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6633FF;">Sacrament meeting was awesome today! The last speaker was Bro. Maughn, who is the high counselor over our ward. He talk centered around fasting and how important fasting is in our lives. I have a testimony of fasting. Many years ago, when I was at college, I had a young man who was pursing me very diligently. He had me convinced God wanted us to be together. He told me on more than one occasion, he was prompted by the spirit that I was to be his wife. At first I resisted him. But over time, I came to believe he was the one for me. He never asked me to marry him. It was more like an unspoken agreement between us. There was no ring. Nothing like that. But we talked about marriage, where we wanted to live, when we wanted to be married, etc. Another huge problem with this boy was that he had previously dated my sister. She really cared about him. Then he decided he liked me. My sister and I were roomates at the time, and there was not good feelings between us. I was too stupid and naive to realize what a mess I was creating. (Jason had not yet left on his mission.) My parents knew I was in trouble. They knew this boy was driving a wedge between my sister and myself. They felt he wasn't the right person for me. They decided to have an extended family fast to help me in this decision. My dad drove all the way to Rexburg to get me for the weekend so I would be away from Mark as I prayed and pondered. It was on Sunday night, while I was in my room praying, that I finally saw the situation for what it was. I knew I was not to marry Mark! Heavenly Father had other plans for me and for my life. I started bawling!! In the mean time, my dear sweet Jason came over and took me to the park in Paul. We talked for almost three hours! In that time, I knew how much I loved Jason! I wanted him to leave in his mission knowing how much I cared and how much I supported him. He forgave me completely. I had to go back to Rexburg and tell Mark he needed to do some more praying because his revelations were not correct. It was embarassing and I felt awful!!! The point of all this is that I did not ruin my life because of the family fast my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings held in my behalf. I know fasting works, and I feel that is a huge answer to our situation. Jason and I need to fast. We need to fast for guidance. We need to fast so the path for us will become clear. Fasting is hard. I don't like to fast often because I have blood sugar problems and I get sick and dizzy when I go without food for too long. But I know we need those blessings! Especially right now when so much is up in the air. I truly felt Bro. Maughn's talk was an answer to my prayers. </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-53882283603588101542011-08-18T21:14:00.004-06:002011-08-18T22:49:36.554-06:00Thursday August 18, 2011<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">I picked blue tonight because I am feeling in a blue mood! Today was just a poopy day! Jason lost his job. We knew it was coming. In all honesty, it is good he is leaving Verizon. They are not a good company to work for. They have no loyalty at all. They are firing their top seller tomorrow because of some comments he made many months ago. He wasn't even warned before hand. They were going to blind side him. I am thankful Jason at least had warning. The good part about this situation is that he already has a job offer. Idaho Watersports offered him his pick of three different postions. He loves those wonderful people there. I know Jason wants to work for them again. It would mean we have to move to Burley. We are not sure Burley is where we should go next. We are finally loving Logan. It has taken some time to get used to life here, but now I really enjoy it. I got my school job back. The kids are adjusting well. They struggled at first, which is to be expected when their lives turn upside down. But overall, they are happy. I love living right next to a temple. I get to attend every week, and that has blessed my life immensely! I am right next to Utah State, so going on to graduate school would be easy. I could finish my bachelor's degree in Burley via Logan Distance Education, but getting my master's degree would be difficult. ISU does have a school counseling program, but I don't know how I would live in Burley and go to school in Pocatello. I hate to uproot the boys. Austin is so excited for Middle School. We have his schedule all worked out. He has lots of friends. Spencer doesn't want to move. They all said they love our home here. Burley is appealing to me in other ways. I love the small town atmosphere. Jason and I both grew up there, so it feels like home. We love the size of the schools and the people. I would be close to my parents again. I just don't know what we will do!! My head hurts thinking about it!</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">
<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">I am also very down because once again I had a poopy pack meeting. Only one leader showed up. The others didn't even bother to let me know they weren't coming. They didn't make the assignments I asked them too. They didn't call and remind their boys like I asked them too. I had additionally asked them to advise me on our hike next month. I am new to this area, and I don't know where to take scouts on a hike. Only one leader responded to my email. I have no idea who to ask about the hike. I want our hike to be fun, but without guidance, it won't be. I was also bummed because we only had four boys. I worked very hard planning and preparing, and then had a horrible turnout. I will say, the water games we played went well with the boys who did come. They had a great time. It is so hard to shake that feeling of being unimportant. I was unimportant to the fire department when I asked them to speak. I am obviously unimportant to the den leaders. They don't care to help. My children have been unimportant to them as well. Austin has only been to a handful of scout meetings since we moved here. No one cares if he comes. They don't call. They don't reach out to him. In the past two months, they have tried a little bit, but it was a half hearted effort. Spencer hasn't been to a bear meeting yet this summer. No one cares if he isn't there. His leaders never call to check on him. They don't even call to tell him when the meetings are. I am the cubmaster. I should know, but they don't communicate with me either. Preston turned 8 in May. Do you think the Wolf leader cares? Nope. Not at all. He hasn't said a word about den meetings. Again, I should know when the den meetings are, but they don't tell me. Just plain frustrating!!!! I love the people in this ward. I know the den leaders. They are wonderful, but not with me. I am going to talk to the bishop on Sunday about my frustrations. I need some help figuring out a solution without offending anyone. I cannot carry pack meetings on my own. Once school begins, and I start work, I won't have time. I need help. The ironic thing about this month was our theme: cooperation. When a pack works together, things go well. Cubs are successful. When one person carries the pack, things don't go well. Meetings fail. Cubs can't reach their full potential. I want this pack to be as good as it can be. There has to be a way for us to bring cooperation and unity back. I need help to find that way.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">
<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">I am happy that I get my job back. I loved working at the school last year. I know this semester is going to be tough. I want to keep my good habits going, like weekly temple attendance, scripture study, and exercising. It is going to be tough to find that balance. I think I will be so much happier if I do. I know I will be happier. The exercising has become a life line for me. I feel so good when I finish a nice, hard workout. I feel the stress leave my body. I like the feeling of being strong. The other night, when Austin and I tackled the swamp grass in our back yard, I was pretty darn proud of myself. We mowed that tall grass for almost two hours. The mower kept clogging. Austin ended up weed wacking while I mowed behind him. It was hard, grueling work, but we did it! I didn't get that tired. I wasn't even sore the next day from all the bending over and lifting. I know it is because of the hard workouts I do lately. I feel my body getting stronger. I still get dizzy, but I adjust. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">
<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">Well, it is time to read scriptures with my boys. I know life isn't easy. It isn't meant to be. But oh I hope we can survive the next few months. It is going to be tough!!!!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">
<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#993399;">*I have to add Jason came to my rescue tonight. I was feeling pretty low after pack meeting. We went for a walk up Center Street and around the temple. It felt so good to get out and walk and talk together. I am going to go to the temple in the morning. I know it will help me more than anything else at this point. </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-25597229805468057992011-08-16T15:58:00.008-06:002011-08-16T16:10:39.658-06:00Ashley's Special Blanket<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoVGjrL_K9OqGcURJh874SvDEWIb-zseBtNfK-WN-5JWjoTNR7oWkaoSGmUK07REq3XGSSAMovjvYYZ7alQf52cJxmgjoqECYHFK8fjnS9kf1SKN_T3QcIX5Z1mXGOCNJ88uJtqVHICCAj/s1600/IMG_0283.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoVGjrL_K9OqGcURJh874SvDEWIb-zseBtNfK-WN-5JWjoTNR7oWkaoSGmUK07REq3XGSSAMovjvYYZ7alQf52cJxmgjoqECYHFK8fjnS9kf1SKN_T3QcIX5Z1mXGOCNJ88uJtqVHICCAj/s320/IMG_0283.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641579633530223410" /></a>
<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTeBd5eIGwOtAZDmOnaZSEuNGFg8UR-jmLBsBHVkgQPz0R-DdkPDeHeQvbTbc7N4-eAPuRzcMBG3oszUt2avjxxa6tTNZcoKE-fNm4gDIGW6H9pXaR5LuwhGgriXfRIE5ynsRL_nW0Iufs/s1600/IMG_0282.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTeBd5eIGwOtAZDmOnaZSEuNGFg8UR-jmLBsBHVkgQPz0R-DdkPDeHeQvbTbc7N4-eAPuRzcMBG3oszUt2avjxxa6tTNZcoKE-fNm4gDIGW6H9pXaR5LuwhGgriXfRIE5ynsRL_nW0Iufs/s320/IMG_0282.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641579477672323618" /></a>
<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSRbrcektyEBKUoWm1iG0dyUmYATEEujYbi508rnug85NMSXEiN8GfoGLUiEWyM6cg9zdf_xpb4AnMWgteAywEbbwARCXQQp8cOfCMcXEhWqvAyGJ8lmLwAs7vAnMSkAs9cPnb4Wgoiaks/s1600/IMG_0272.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSRbrcektyEBKUoWm1iG0dyUmYATEEujYbi508rnug85NMSXEiN8GfoGLUiEWyM6cg9zdf_xpb4AnMWgteAywEbbwARCXQQp8cOfCMcXEhWqvAyGJ8lmLwAs7vAnMSkAs9cPnb4Wgoiaks/s320/IMG_0272.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641579321018513858" /></a>
<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZH7JSReT7VAMGcIUKsJm0wsVrwQLvq-JzRSdiqR4CXWBDL3nVKtNrcWJf-E7SA7EZfYyPTGD05JT63ai8DreBIKEZgNt_hNYnpb58f10r1yT1pnbxRtRJUsDxC0f2X0Z7ingHt43I1g-q/s1600/IMG_0268.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZH7JSReT7VAMGcIUKsJm0wsVrwQLvq-JzRSdiqR4CXWBDL3nVKtNrcWJf-E7SA7EZfYyPTGD05JT63ai8DreBIKEZgNt_hNYnpb58f10r1yT1pnbxRtRJUsDxC0f2X0Z7ingHt43I1g-q/s320/IMG_0268.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641579148775675202" /></a>
<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGmdTiVll_SOYnwYwjCtXaS086NhKVA3DV-4xUND5mgtN5pIBoPCADYeYOIPaZsyAHyxZrl9IMZRpEXcxqLDq9l6zA2qy0xoXG5JPNoo830BxaShMcMIkT3FSs3k0tqZaX-mJkuxXNEb-2/s1600/IMG_0269.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGmdTiVll_SOYnwYwjCtXaS086NhKVA3DV-4xUND5mgtN5pIBoPCADYeYOIPaZsyAHyxZrl9IMZRpEXcxqLDq9l6zA2qy0xoXG5JPNoo830BxaShMcMIkT3FSs3k0tqZaX-mJkuxXNEb-2/s320/IMG_0269.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641578972473036626" /></a>
<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcl72To-_lJfEmYOhvyfGysb2ZNO9ucenv3DRJdcqflhGjG9gpGauJIyFIpWxs27u6rX23sZ-ot7sze_5hWcdQNyV54fxDD4IMzJqf6vcFcRJsPQIPtQR7UdavlYCe4_FY0R0QgY_S6yW0/s1600/IMG_0271.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcl72To-_lJfEmYOhvyfGysb2ZNO9ucenv3DRJdcqflhGjG9gpGauJIyFIpWxs27u6rX23sZ-ot7sze_5hWcdQNyV54fxDD4IMzJqf6vcFcRJsPQIPtQR7UdavlYCe4_FY0R0QgY_S6yW0/s320/IMG_0271.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641578790869526018" /></a>
<br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;color:#CC33CC;">I didn't get a chance to write about the special gift from my sister. As many of you know, Ashley's 14th birthday was July 19. I blogged about that day previously. Not long after Ashley's birthday, my sister Tammy sent me a card in the mail. It was signed by all of my family, including cousins, aunts, and grandparents. They each related their love of our Ashley, and what she meant to them. It was so touching to me! At the same time, my sister included a picture of a blanket she had created. It was a special picture blanket, with various pictures of Ashley. (I will include pictures for all to see). When I saw the blanket, I cried! It is a beautiful tribute to our angel. Also included with the blanket was a special figurine of a little blond haired fairy. My sister has a talent of finding the most darling little things which remind me of my Ashley. I loved the little fairy as well! Words cannot express how grateful I was for my sister's thoughfulness. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;color:#CC33CC;">
<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;color:#CC33CC;">I also wanted to post pictures of two wreaths I created on Memorial Day. We were not able to travel to Burley to decorate Ashley's grave. As such, I decided to create something to honor her here in Logan. I have to say, not being a crafty person, I think I did a pretty good job. (0: I do want to thank everyone for their love and prayers and kind words as we once again faced Ashley's birthday. It was a hard day, but with so many wonderful people behind us, I survived! (0: Enjoy the pictures!</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-64750104225985359622011-08-14T21:36:00.004-06:002011-08-16T15:57:55.753-06:00What a great weekend! (August 14, 2011)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">I think it is so fun to play with the font colors! (0: </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC0000;">It keeps the blog more interesting for sure! Ha ha ha! (0: </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">I have so much to write about again, I am not sure where to begin. Friday turned out to be both a good and bad day for us. Jason's wonderful grandma dropped by some money and a ton of coupons so we could go school shopping. I was so grateful to her for her generosity. Our money is so tight right now. With Jason's job on the line, every penny counts. I was not planning to buy the boys anything new, with the exception of backpacks, until I knew where we stood financially. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">As it worked out, we were able to find some wonderful deals. They each bought a couple pairs of pants and a couple of new shirts. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC0000;">We also went out for lunch. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">It was a superfun afternoon. I also found out I get to work at Woodruff again this year. I was so thrilled! I loved my job last year. I am eager to work with the students again. I definitely have more confidence, and I know what I am doing. It is also comforting to know we will have an extra income. My contribution last year wasn't much, but it definitely helped. My school schedule is going to be demanding, but I will be alright. I just have to stay on top of all my deadlines. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">The bad thing about Friday was that Jason was informed by the general manager that the HR people decided to fire him after all. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC0000;">I have so say, I am so sick and tired of Verizon Wireless. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">They tell him he is getting fired. Then they tell him he isn't. Then he is. Then he isn't. It has been this way for three months now, and it is absolutely ridiculous! He was all geared up to work his fanny off for the next three weeks and make them the best he could. Now there is no point. Needless to say, he came home very downhearted. There wasn't anything I could say or do to comfort him. Dang Verizon people! He isn't alone in his frustration. There are several other employees in the same boat as Jason. They are at their wits end as well. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">At least Jason can say he didn't do anything wrong. He worked hard and did his best every day. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC0000;">He won't have any regrets about his work ethnic. I pray he will be able to find a job where he can be appreciated for the wonderful man he is and what he can bring to a company!! We have lots of praying to do!!</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC0000;">
<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">We did get the opportunity to travel to Burley with my awesome sister, Tammy, this weekend. My darling cousin just returned from a mission to St. Louis, Missouri. She reported her mission today. There was also a big celebration for my Grandma and Grandpa Morgan this weekend. Both of my grandparents are celebrating their 90th birthdays, so their respective families and friends gathered to honor them. I was not able to attend the celebration. It was on Friday night, but I did get the opportunity to visit with my super cool aunts. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">We had a big family barbecue on Saturday evening with my family and my extended family. It is always so fun to sit and visit with one another. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC0000;">My aunt Peg and uncle Jim stayed for a while after dinner was over. We all sat around, joking and laughing for almost two hours. It was a blast! </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">Of course, we were all up super late. I sat up and talked with Tammy until almost 1:30. I think Austin was up until almost 3:00. He absolutely could not sleep. (Gee, I wonder where he got his insomnia from???) This morning, the troops were exhausted. I actually let Austin stay home from the missionary report. He was not very happy, and I truthfully felt like it would be better for all of us for him to stay home and rest. That was a smart decision. (0: </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">
<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">The report was wonderful! Carrie had such a special spirit about her! She was a fantastic misisonary. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC0000;">She shared so many wonderful missionary experiences! I wish I could relate them all like she did. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">One which really stuck with me was an experience she had with a lady in one of her first areas. This particular lady was baptized into the church, but later fell away. She met up with the missionaries and desired very much to return to church again. The problem was, she was hit hard with tons of opposition. In one week, this poor sister lost her home, her husband, and her car. She was left with nothing and small children to support. The church came to her rescue, and helped her get back on her feet. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">Carrie said this lady had every reason to turn her back on the church. Since taking the discussions, her life had become increasingly difficult. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC0000;">Instead of becoming bitter, this faithful sister got up in fast and testimony meeting and expressed her love for the gospel. She knew it was true, and despite her destitute situation, she knew she was not alone. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">With the Savior on her side, she could conquer anything. I know that is so true! Our family has been through so much in the past few years. Sometimes I still wonder how we ever survived. We did not travel the difficult path alone. At the most destitute and heart breaking times, the Savior was there. I know He carried me when I lost my angel. There is no other way I could let her go. I know He carried me numerous times last year, as I struggled to adjust to our new life. With God, nothing is impossible! I hope I always remember that.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">After church, we headed back to my parent's home for another family dinner. And then it was back to Logan. It was a fast trip, but so worth it! </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC0000;">I feel so fortunate to belong to such an amazing family. Not just my immediate family, but my extended family as well. They are all such great examples for me. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">Of course there was nothing greater than coming home to my husband. I wish he could have come to Burley too, but his work schedule did not permit it. Even if they are firing him any day now, he is not giving up. He went to work and did his part. We did get to go on our Sunday walk up Center Street. Jason and I love to walk Center Street. For those of you who have never seen it, it is spectacular! There are many historic homes. The sidewalks are covered by beautiful shade trees. I don't know what it is that struck us about Center Street. Perhaps it was the history of the homes. Perhaps it was the pristine street. There is definitely a special spirit as you walk along that street. The other cool thing about Center Street is that it is only a few blocks from the temple. We can walk up to the temple grounds in only a few minutes, and have several times. It has become our special activity together. I won't say that I don't mind the additional exercise either! (0: I truly have come to love Logan. It is a beautiful place, and I am thankful for our experiences here. </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7994583407227447446.post-35229977759576345522011-08-12T10:58:00.014-06:002011-08-12T11:18:22.984-06:00Pictures of Yellowstone Trip July 2011<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHhviYFcdFHEzB-7GgOywmmXtdheyRcAdsF6GwRnKgFt0b99R8_tSsSFj621YlnFVZVnaHduC0uQrDrYDz46CVimhGAUDpQk5MUGRSYB21UZ09QdG_B1yVh-oZfMSDYEF4mHPqzDo_MAiY/s1600/IMG_0221.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHhviYFcdFHEzB-7GgOywmmXtdheyRcAdsF6GwRnKgFt0b99R8_tSsSFj621YlnFVZVnaHduC0uQrDrYDz46CVimhGAUDpQk5MUGRSYB21UZ09QdG_B1yVh-oZfMSDYEF4mHPqzDo_MAiY/s320/IMG_0221.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5640019924888586402" /></a>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1