Sunday, October 30, 2011

Sunday October 30, 2011

I can't believe it is the end of October already! Man, how time flies! I haven't written in such a long time. I have been so busy. In addition to school and work, kids, husband, and being cubmaster, I was also given the assignment of being a Webelos leader. I was hesitant to offer my services to help run Webelos. My life is so hectic as it is. But I am already at the church anyway so our Wolves can hold den meetings. We only have one Wolf leader and without me at the church, we don't have two deep leadership. So why not just run Webelos why I am there? The webelos's requirements are fun, and I enjoy planning the den meetings. Spencer is a Webelos now as well. I would be helping him at home, so why not help the others at the same time? I am not sure my logic is so logical, but I am truly coming to LOVE the scouting program. I never appreciated it before, and now I do. It is so good for the boys. It gives them something good to participate in. It teaches them wonderful skills that will make them more successful in later life. It means I have to be on the ball. I can't waste any time at all. If I am not studying, or helping my kids, or cleaning house, I have to plan for scouts. But you know, I don't mind. I feel it is what I am supposed to do. I know Heavenly Father will help me. I have been so blessed already.

As far as the rest of my family, we are doing alright. Jason is working hard at his new job. I won't say he is happy, but he always puts his heart and soul into everything he does. He enjoys the people he works with. They are good people, so much better than those at Verizon. We are still struggling financially. That part is hard for Jason. He likes to be a good provider. In the past, we were blessed to survive financially. We weren't rolling in the dough, but we always had sufficient for our needs. At the current time, we have had to ask for help to survive. Jason hates that! It won't be forever though. I am only three semesters short of my bachelor's degree. I will be attending graduate school, but I am hoping I can work and complete my master's degree at the same time. That will help. I don't make much money now, but I will say, I absolutely love the kids I work with. I have enjoyed my literacy groups immensely this year. I know there are always ways to become a more effective teacher, but I feel way more confident in my abilities this year than last. I wish there was some way I could help Jason understand that it doesn't matter to me if we don't have much money. We have so many wonderful blessings. We are so happy as a couple, and as a family. We have food on our table, and a roof over our heads. Life is wonderful!

My kids for the most part have been doing wonderfully well. I have been desperately worried about my Austin. He has not been okay. I should have been more on top of what was happening at middle school. He seemed happy, and he seemed to be doing well with his school work. This pretty picture crumbled when I found out he was being bullied at school. I won't go in details, but one day he called me from school and said he was very sick. I went and picked him up, but I could tell from the moment I saw him something else was bothering him. That day he opened up to me about these boys at school that had been picking on him for some time. I immediately spoke to the principal, who was fantastic at handling the situation. Not long after that incident, we discovered Austin had been cutting himself at school. He had scratches all over his left arm, from hand to elbow. It looked like he fought a mad kitty and lost. Of course, I went into panic mode. I spoke to the counselor and the principal again, pleading for help for my son. He was sinking more than I realized. It wasn't just the bullying. Because of his ADHD, he was unable to keep track of his work. He wasn't completing assignments. He had F's in every class but one. I had no idea how overwhelmed he was. The cutting was one sign of the stress he was under. I felt horrible!!! The school counselor did meet with Austin a couple of times, trying to help him. She was great, but what he needs is intervention from a behavior specialist, like we had in Nampa. He needs a person who can give him the tools to be a middle school student and manage his ADHD. He is medicated and that should help. However, the medication is such a pain in the butt! It makes him depressed, unable to sleep, and feeling sick. But without it, he can't focus at all. But with it, he still feels like a zombie. It is a vicious cycle. He doens't like school, and he doesn't like himself. He feels like he is the bad kid in the family. That broke my heart!! I hope nothing I say or do makes him feel that way. He is a wonderful young man. I have been so proud of him. I told him he has to remember that he is twice as strong as everyone else. What comes easy to most people is very difficult for him. That isn't his fault. It doesn't mean he is a bad person. It means he has been given a challenge from Heavenly Father and if it his challenge, he will be given the strength to face it head on and win. We are considering pulling him out of Mount Logan and enrolling him in the Utah Virtual Academy, at least for this year. I have been praying about his decision, and I feel good about K12. It was the same charter school Ashley was in before. I loved their curriculum. I am familiar with how the program works. The one problem is that I will need to help him. I don't have much time for that, but if it is the right thing to do, we will do it. I want him to feel good about being Austin. We filled out all the paperwork, and tomorrow I will have the final interview with a K12 specialist to see if Austin can get in. We will see. I just want my son to be okay! I love him so much!

Well, I need to get moving on with the day. There is much to be accomplished and only so much time to do it in. (0: I am so grateful for my life. Even with all the challenges, there is much to be thankful for. I thank Heavenly Father every day for my little girl, for what she taught me. I thank Him for my three wonderful little boys. They are so special to me, and I am proud of each one of them. They make my life worth living. And most of all, I am so grateful for my darling husband. He is my shinging star in every way. I would not be happy without him and his constant love and support. We are a team, and with one another, we can face anything! (0: