My Own Christmas Miracle

I miss my little girl. It has been almost two years now since she left this life for the next. You would think time heals all wounds. Pain fades with time, but it never leaves your heart. When you love someone so much, and they die, there is a huge hole that remains. It doesn't go away. You never know when that hole will begin to hurt. You never know when the pain will wash over you. It might be a song on the radio. It might be a toy in a toy store. It might be a song in church. When it comes, it hurts so much! For the longest time, I felt it was a sign of weakness to be sad, to show my emotions. I felt I was weak because I was depressed. But you know what? I have learned it is okay to cry. I am NOT weak because I get sad. I am not weak because I struggle with depression. These are normal ways of dealing with grief. It is all part of the healing process. I didn't understand that. I once had a lady tell me about her friend, who had lost a child to cancer. This lady said how her friend was always so happy and cheerful. She didn't cry. She carried on with a big grin on her face every day. I immediately went home and felt like the worst person in the world. I wondered if I was being a baby because I wasn't smiling all the time. I wondered if I lacked faith because I felt depressed. I wondered if I was silly for watering my pillow at night with my tears. This Christmas, I learned so much about faith, hope, and grief. It all began shortly before Christmas. I received a package in the mail from my wonderful aunt. She sent me two books: "The Christmas Box" and "The Christmas Box Miracle". I read the Christmas Box years and years ago. I didn't even remember the story. I decided to read The Christmas Box Miracle first. I devoured it in two days. Each time I opened the book, I felt the spirit fill my heart. I felt peace and I felt comfort. It was a reminder to me of how very much our Heavenly Father is mindful of all who have lost children in this world. The story of the Christmas Box was a gift given to Richard Paul Evans to bring comfort to grieving hearts around the world. I know this to be true. It was crazy, but as I read of the wonderful experiences Richard Evans had as he promoted his book, and letters he has received since, I felt a connection to those people. For the first time in a long time, I felt understood. I was overcome with a desire to visit one of his special angel statues. I felt by doing so, I would find another place where I could truly grieve and heal my broken heart.

Now for the true miracle of this Christmas. I told Jason I didn't need anything for Christmas. He was determined to get me a little something. He said he had gone to the Hallmark store to look for something uplifting for me. He found a special statue of a couple which he really liked. As he continued to browse the store, he stumbled across an angel statue. He said he was so taken with the statue, he looked at it several times. In the end, he decided, in honor of our December 22 anniversary, to get me the couple statue. When he went to the counter to check out, the lady went to the back to get item he requested. When she returned to the front, she opened the box to make sure it was the right statue. Inside the box, instead of the statue, was the angel!!! The lady couldn't explain it. But Jason knew. I needed that angel statue. He bought it for me. When I opened it on Christmas day, I was overcome with emotion. It was like Ashley came and gave me a huge bear hug!!! I felt her near, and that feeling did not leave me the entire day. I didn't need to go to Richard Paul Evan's angel shrine. I had one of my own. It was the best gift I could have ever received. (0: I knew it was my own special Christmas miracle. Ashley wanted us to know she was near. What a wonderful blessing!!!!