Ashley and I were up really late again last night. She was having a hard time falling asleep. Her back and legs were aching. We couldn't find a position she was comfortable in. She was emotional. Her suffering was so intense! I knew she was miserable. What comfort could I offer her? She didn't want a blessing. I didn't want to push her that way. So we just sat and talked. She fears everyday that she will become too big of a burden to Jason and I. She fears one day he and I will walk away from her, and not want her anymore. It took me several minutes of intense talking to convince her she is NOT a burden to anyone. Her illness has inspired so many lives. Because she is sick, so many people have been blessed with opportunities to serve, including myself and Jason. Our family is closer to Heavenly Father than we have ever been. Our extended family members on both sides of our families are closer because of what they have done for us. I feel like the heavens have literally been opened and we have been showered with strength, encouragement, service, and love. We have had many wonderful spiritual experiences that have cemented our testimonies of the gospel. We have witnessed miracles, time and time again over the course of Ashley's life. Someday, I will continue Ashley's story and share just how many times her life has been spared through miracles. None of these amazing things would have happened without our little angel!!! What a blessing she was given to us! Heavenly Father knew we needed her. I am so glad she is ours!!
Throughout the course of the day, Ashley has been plain out miserable. Everything is a major chore, from moving pillows on the bed to going to the bathroom to walking into the kitchen. She struggles with it all. I noticed more swelling in her back today. Her ankles were the same, but the swelling is spreading up her torso. Her face has been pale and puffy. She didn't sleep as much today and hasn't eaten hardly a thing. The pain in her back has been intense several times today. I spent over an hour tonight rubbing and massaging it, trying to relieve the pain. For some reason, the morphine isn't relieving the pain. I am concerned that her pain may be coming from her kidneys. They are probably really stressed with all the diuretics she is on. I hope they will hold out and not be the cause of her intense back pain.
I did take the memory foam mattress off her hospital bed and put it on my bed. Fortunately we have a king size bed, so it fits alright. I was hoping a softer bed might help ease some of her body aches. Nothing really makes her comfortable, but I am hoping it might at least give her a little relief. I am not sure that helped, but at least it made me feel better.
What this week will bring, I don't know. How much longer Ashley will be with us, I don't know. But I do know our loving, wise Father in Heaven is watching over us. He is watching over Ashley. He will help us no matter what happens. I trust in that with all my heart.
May you all have a wonderful week!! Thank you for all your faith, prayers, thoughts, notes, etc. Every little bit helps!! (0:
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