Tuesday January 5, 2010

Another day and we survived. Last night was another long night. Ashley and I were up for a long time. She had a hard time falling asleep. We watched a movie and then we read from the Friend. It was around 1:00 before we fell asleep. I made her promise me no matter what, she would NOT get out of bed without my help. I was so worried she would wake up, not want to bother me, and then try to get to the bathroom by herself. I knew she was not strong enough to do that. She was a good angel. She did wake me up. This morning when she finally woke, the first thing she asked me was if I was okay from lack of sleep last night. That is my girl. She is always thinking of others, no matter how horrible her suffering is.

I really felt like the additional lasix helped with her facial puffiness. I don't think her legs and back looked any better, but at least I could see her eyes. When Nancy came, we agreed she looked better today than she did yesterday. Her mind wasn't so foggy. I didn't give her morphine or ativan this morning. Her back was hurting, but she didn't want any pain meds. I finally convinced her to take advil. She wasn't very to willing to do that. But thankfully she did. It helped a little bit.

Overall, I felt the morning was better today than yesterday. She seemed more comfortable and she wanted to eat, which was delightful to me! (0: This afternoon, she was super tired. She laid down and fell asleep just after 2:30. She didn't wake up until 6:00. Jason, bless his heart, ran interference with the boys so I was able to take a nap for most of an hour. It felt good to sleep. I have to say, I was exhausted this afternoon. My ear hasn't been very good today. It was nice to take some advil and sleep for a bit. Nights are not restful anymore.

We also had another wonderful blessing tonight. My wonderful visiting teacher showed up with dinner. I can't tell you how much that meant!! I wasn't feeling the greatest, and to have dinner already made, made my whole night!! (0: Thank you Sarah for your thoughtfulness!! I didn't think I needed help with meals, but I found out, I did. And it was YUMMY! (0:

When Ashley awoke, she was in horrible pain and I had missed her 4:00 dose of lasix so she was working to breathe. It took me an hour to get her calmed down. She cried and cried. I felt awful! I would have awakened her at 4:00, but I knew how tired she was. I figured it would be alright to let her sleep. I don't think I will let her sleep like that again. I can't believe how missing a dose of lasix by two hours can effect her. It was scary!

Through the evening, she stayed in bed. Her back pain finally subsided enough she felt like sitting up. Eventually she wanted to eat a little. Tonight begins our second sotalol wean. We half her night-time dose. I know it is what Ashley wants, but it scares me what will happen. She is already so weak and sick and swollen and miserable. The one thing I know, with out a doubt, is that Heavenly Father will NEVER give her more than she can handle. If things get harder, she will be strong enough to deal with the burden. We will be strong enough to watch her carry her very heavy burdens. Only He knows what the plan is.

I have to share one more neat experience before I finish this entry. Ashley is ready for me now, so I have to be brief. Yesterday, when I woke up, my anxiety was through the roof. I felt sick. I felt emotional. I didn't know how I was going to make it through another day without falling apart at the seams. I spent some time crying and praying, pleading for strength for Ashley, for me, for Jason, for our boys. Last night, Bro. Orton came over and helped Jason give Ashley and myself a blessing. When Jason gave me my blessing, the one thing he said was that I was strong enough to get through this trial. He told me Heavenly Father was with me every step of the way. I would never be alone. I can't tell you how my heart was filled with overwhelming peace. I knew, with every fiber of my being, things would be alright. I knew I would be strong enough to keep myself put together. I knew my husband and sons would be okay. For the rest of the night, my heart felt so light. Even today, with the increased pain in my ear, I felt peace. I didn't feel like a bundle of knots. My stomach wasn't hurting. Never, ever doubt that God hears and answers our prayers. I know, He heard mine.