Sunday June 20, 2010

So I know my last blog was very depressing. I won't lie. Last week, I was in a talespin. I wasn't feeling well physically, and I wasn't feeling good about this move. But I know, Heavenly Father was watching over us. Not only did Jason and I find a nice place to live, but I was also able to get right into an ear, nose, and throat doctor. While the doctor couldn't give me specific answers, he did offer me a little hope we can get this problem I have had for so long, fixed. We are starting simple. It is possible the ear crystals were jolted out of place when I fell and broke my ankle. He gave me some exercises to try at home, to re-set the ear rocks. If the exercises don't work, then the doctor wants me to go into the hearing/balance therapists for further testing and more advanced exercises. Jason and I have faithfully completed the exercises for several days now. I do feel a little better, but the off balance feeling isn't gone yet. It would be so nice to have an easy fix. I am not sure that will happen, but I can always hope it will. With how long I have been battling this vertigo and dizziness, the doctor is concerned there is a more advanced problem. I pray not. But time will tell.

I know Heavenly Father guided us last week as we looked for a place to live. It was nearly impossible to find a place that fit all of our requirements. Several places looked promising, and then fell through. I was beginning to think we may have to live in a tent somewhere!! Monday morning, another home opened up. It was the right size, they allowed dogs, there was a fenced yard, it was right by the walking path and golf course. It seemed like the perfect place for us to be. I sent my wonderful sister over to meet with the landlady and scope out the house for us. Unfortunately, when the landlady arrived, she had the wrong keys, and Dawn was unable to see the inside. But she mostly liked what she saw. There was another family who also viewed the property the same day. They didn't want to sign a year lease, as the dad had to re-locate again in six months. To compensate for the six month problem, they had offered $300.00 more a month. Jason and I were heartbroken. We didn't know what we would do if the house went to the other family. We prayed hard that all would work out as it should.

The next morning, the landlady called and offered the property to us, but only if we gave her a deposit by 8:00 that evening. My sister offered to go take the deposit to the lady for us. But when I spoke with my sister, she was hesitant about us taking the home without seeing the inside. She was also hesitant about the location. There was a busy road running in front of the property and that was a huge concern, especially with my little doggy runners. Jason decided he needed to go meet with Linda before we made a final decision. So off to Logan he went. It was a good thing he did. We found out the home was not at all what we wanted. The location was a huge concern. It all worked out in the end. My sister discovered another home for rent, which had not been listed in the newspaper. We were blessed to view the home, and found it to be perfect. The rent was higher, but Jason being the whiz he is, he got them to lower the rent if we signed a two year lease. The only bad part, the house isn't available until August 1. Jason will have to start working before we move. We are praying now Verizon will allow us some time after his training in Denver to move before he starts working in the store. I am not sure they will give us time, but hopefully they will. I am feeling so much better about the whole situation.

It is also good because at the moment, I have Amy and Kris's kids. Kris had his kidney transplant last Tuesday. He got released a couple of hours ago, and is doing well. I need to keep their kids for a little while longer while he recuperates from his surgery. It is so nice to have the stress of the move lifted off of my shoulders. We don't have to pack up and get moved as quickly as we thought. I know that is what is supposed to happen. Now I have time to help my sister, and also will have time in July to go stay in Burley and help my parents. I have time to work on my physical problems, and hopefully get them under control before we move. I am NOT looking forward to Jason being gone for so long. We haven't been apart but three nights since Ashley died. I am so scared to be without him. He is such a comfort and strength to me. I have leaned on him constantly, and he has loved me and lifted my spirits so many times. But I know Heavenly Father will take care of him and of us while he is away. We will be alright. I will be alright.

I still miss my Ashley every second of every day. There is a huge hole. Nothing fills it. It hurts so much. I can't wait for the day when I can hold my angel again. That thought keeps me going each day. It keeps me focused on the eternal perspective. It makes my challenges seem like bumps rather than impassible mountains. I will never be able to express my gratitude that Ashley was given to Jason and I. She changed my life. She changed my heart. I wish I could tell her what a difference her life, her example, her courage, made to me. I wish I could tell her what a privilege it was to be her mother.

May everyone keep up the faith. Don't get discouraged. Life is hard. It was not meant to be easy. But someday, we will all be blessed beyond all our understanding for our faithfulness and courage. What a glorious day that will be!!! (0: I can't wait to rest from the cares of this world with all the people I love so very very very much.