Friday August 5, 2011

Today has been a much better day. I was so out of it yesterday. I spent a long time in prayer last night, pondering over how to stop the feelings that were overwhelming me. This morning, I was blessed to attend the temple. I absolutely LOVE how I feel when I am in the temple. Every care I had was lifted off my shoulders. I was overcome with feelings of happiness and peace. I knew I was going to be all right. As I sat in the celestial room, praying and pondering, I had one very distinct thought fill my mind. I need to pray more. I need to pray out loud, and I need to really think about what I am praying about. I say my prayers, but often I shoot off a quick prayer because I am in a hurry. I never pray before I study the scriptures and I should. Sometimes I am so tired before bedtime, I fall asleep while praying. I lose my train of thought. I realized today prayer is one of the most powerful tools we have. It is our link to a loving Father in Heaven who can see the whole picture when we can't. He is there to guide us and help us, ALWAYS, but it is up to us to reach out to him. Sometimes when I am afraid of a particular answer, I won't pray about a certain problem. One such example is my health. I have been petrified about seeing a doctor. I have no idea where this fear of doctors came from. Perhaps it is from all the years of going to doctors who told me I was fine when I wasn't. I know I have a problem that must be dealt with. I know if I asked, I would be guided to go to the right doctor and I would be blessed to find a way to deal with my problem. I haven't wanted to deal with the situation, so I haven't prayed about it. I can't blame anyone but myself that I still don't feel well. The point here is that I need to tap into that spiritual power. If anyone needs guidance in his/her life, I do. There are so many things I want to do with my life. I want to get my education. I want to raise my children to be strong, righteous, and valiant. I want to serve and help and lift others every day. I know there is always someone who needs a smile, a hug, a simple pick-me-up. I want to know I am doing everything in my power to be worthy of the wonderful blessings in store for the righteous. I want to know when I die that I did all I could on this earth to fulfill God's plan for my life. Today I felt hopeful I am on that path. Even though I am not perfect, and I made mistakes in the past, I am still a good person. I am trying hard and working every day to be better. Heavenly Father will help me as I reach out to Him. With God, all things are possible! Even for plain old Connie Winn!

On a different note, Jason and I made a VERY difficult decision this week. After lots of prayer, we decided our family is complete. Perhaps that was part of the reason I was sad. In my heart, I wondered if we were supposed to have another baby. This week it was confirmed to both Jason and I that a baby wasn't in the plans for us. So at 11:30 today, Jason had surgery to prevent any further pregnancies. The way it all went down further confirmed it was the right decision. We called the doctor on Tuesday to discuss this option. They just happened to have a cancellation for a consultation appointment on Wednesday. After that appointment, they happned to get an opening for the surgery today. Jason was able to have the procedure completed while he already had time off work and before we lost our insurance. I hate to say that it was a blessing, but it was. Within a short time, we would have been faced with this decision, as my IUD must be removed soon. I wasn't sure without insurance how I could afford another. Heavenly Father blesses us in all aspects of our lives, even when it comes to family planning. (0: Consequently with Jason needing some quiet recuperation time, I took the boys to the Aquatic Center this afternoon. I have to say, I am so proud of my boys and their swimming abilities. Preston and Spencer are both in the deep water now. Austin already has beautiful strokes and he is a super diver. Today I practiced diving and elementary backstroke with Spencer and Preston. They both did so well!! (0: We played tag and enjoyed some time in the shallow pool under the water buckets. It was a blast! After swimming, we downed some ice cream and headed home. Austin and Preston weren't home more than 20 minutes before they wanted to swim in our little pool. I love swimming so much it is fun to see them love it as well. Jason is actually doing alright tonight. He is sore and swollen, but what a trooper!! I haven't heard him complain once and he certainly has every right to complain!

I also have to add I spent some time last night on USU's website. It got me soooo excited for school to begin! I have some amazing classes coming up, including Child Guidance, Analysis of Behavior, and Introduction to Folklore. I printed up my book list. It looks like I will be in books almost $400.00 which is better than last semester. Last semester I payed $500.00 for books! Man college is expensive! But oh so worth it. I am thrilled to be learning again!!

Well, time to get kids ready for bed. I hope everyone has a wonderful night!! (0: