The Final Night with Our Angel

As I have read over Ashley's final day on this earth, I have perfect recollection of how sick and miserable she was. Her breathing had become labored. Her entire body was a mass of aches and pains. When the fever hit, she was so desperately ill. I remember how panicked I felt, how helpless I felt. At that point, all we could do was pray to our loving and merciful Father in Heaven.

I can't remember the exact time, but it was around 12:30 or so. Jason came down stairs and gave Ashley an anointing blessing. In that blessing, he told her it was alright to go. He promised her we would be alright. He told her Heavenly Father was watching over us. He would bless us after she returned to Him. Jason promised her, the suffering would soon end. Her time was very near. As he finished the beautiful blessing, I had the most amazing feeling come over me. My heart burned within. I felt all the fear leave. The most striking feeling of calm encompassed my entire body. I knew, beyond all doubt, everything was going to be alright. Heavenly Father was with us. The angels were near. I was given the privilege of feeling them. They are real!! Never doubt!! I know they were in our home!! Just as Ashley's patriarchal blessing promised, they came for her. They lovingly wrapped her in their arms and escorted her home.

I was blessed to be right next to Ashley as she breathed her final breaths. Her passing was everything I wished it to be. She didn't gasp for air. She didn't cry out in pain. She simply stopped breathing. It was peaceful in every way. She gently slipped from this life into the next. I was right there. I got to love her and tell how how proud I was, how honored I was, to be chosen to be her mom. I told her over and over, as I held her, just how much I loved her and would miss her every day for the rest of my life. What a beautiful ending to this amazing journey.

The next few hours were a blur. Our wonderful home health nurse came quickly. I can't tell you how efficient Nancy was. She took over the minute she was in the door. As I stood crying, and making calls to family, she made all the other calls for us: to Rasmussen funeral home, to Norco, to Primary Children's, to our doctor. She helped prepare the body. She let me wash Ashley and to help re-dress her little body. Our social worker was here shortly after. Together, Kenette and Nancy disposed of the medications. They took care of everything. They helped clean up breakfast dishes. They helped distract the boys. They stayed until the funeral home arrived, to make sure all was well. I was amazed at their efficiency. Jeff Rasmussen commented to us later at the funeral home, just how blessed we were to have those special women at our side. He said he had never, in all his years of experience, dealt with anyone more compassionate and efficient as they were. I know that was not an accident. Heavenly Father knew we needed Nancy and Kenette. I can't express enough gratitude to them for all their devoted and caring service. They made this journey easy in so many ways.

I was so exhausted when Jason and I fell into bed that night. We both were!! I didn't see how I would make it through the next few days. I prayed for help. I prayed for peace. I prayed for strength to face the future. The next morning, my prayer was answered. When I woke on Thursday morning, I felt happy. Not just a little bit happy, but so happy, I wanted to shout for joy. I knew, it was Ashley. She was telling me not to be sad. She was finally home. She was free from her heavy burdens. She was with her Father in Heaven. That feeling did not leave me for the entire time we were in Burley. There were numerous other times when my heart filled with peace. I felt my little angel. I knew she was with me. I knew she was watching over everyone as we said our final goodbyes. My biggest fear was that once we left Burley, I wouldn't feel her so near. I didn't want to lose that feeling. It has been such a comfort to me!! As we came home, and as I have continued to pray, that wonderful feeling did not leave. I know she is still near. Her spirit continues to fill our home. It is hard!! There are so many memories. What a blessing to have those precious memories!!! What a blessing to have had 12 years with this valiant soul.

I know, with God, nothing is impossible. As we move forward into the future, He will continue to bless us and help us. He will help us find our way. When we think we can't take another step, He will be right there to carry us. I know God lives!!!! I know Jesus is the Christ, and through Him, our burdens will be lifted!! I know life continues on beyond the grave. I know angels are REAL!! They stand near, to help us when we weep. I know someday, we will see our angel again. What a joyous, joyous, joyous time that will be!! I pray we will always live worthy to have that blessing!!!!!!