Tuesday March 2, 2010

Just when we thought things couldn't get worse, they did. I don't mean to be pessimistic. But Ashley has continued to decline. Thankfully, last night was a better night for her. She slept from midnight clear until 5:30 a.m. I was thankful she was able to sleep, but it meant she didn't get a dose of lasix in the night. I wasn't about to wake her up. I figured sleep was more important that the medicine. I was up at 3:00 to let the dog out, and then stayed awake for awhile, just listening to her breathe. She was breathing so fast, and I could hear rattles in her chest. I knew she was fighting the fluid. But she looked so peaceful, despite the breathing difficulties. It was almost like she was in another place. I was so grateful to see her be at peace.

As you can imagine, not having an extra dose of lasix, she sounded awful when she woke. She was coughing and puffing. It took most of an hour before her meds kicked in and she was able to relax and go back to sleep. Even then, she was working to breathe. She did wake up just briefly around 11:15 and tried to eat a little bit, but by the time she finished, she was so exhausted, she laid back and crashed immediately.

I was so thankful for Jason's help today. Austin turned up with an upset stomach. He was feeling sick last night, and still had trouble this morning, so I kept him home. Of course, we totally freak when we have germs in the house. We have to. Anything that passes to Ashley would kill her. Jason and I don't want sickness to take her life. She is suffering enough! So, to protect me from the germs, he stayed home and took care of Austin so I wouldn't have to interact with him so much. I don't want Jason to get sick either, but he said it was more important for me to stay healthy. Bless his heart!! I was very very very grateful he was home. With Ashley continuing to struggle so much, I was nervous all day long. He always calms me down and makes me laugh. I needed that distraction today.

This evening, Ashley's breathing got worse. I ended up giving her ativan, morphine, and hydrocodone around 4:30. I gave her more morphine this time, which is what Nancy suggested we do to help Ashley's breathing relax. It did help. She calmed down and fell asleep for quite a while. Jason, in the mean time, took the boys to Pack meeting. I was so glad the boys were able to go and get their awards. What a trooper Jason is for helping do that tonight!!! (0:

Shortly before they came back from the church, Ashley woke up in horrible pain. Her legs were paining her greatly!! They hurt so much, she cried! I didn't know what to do. It wasn't time for more pain meds yet, so I sat and gently massaged them. I also got the heating pads out and put them on her legs. It was literally a minute by minute countdown to the time she could take her pain medication. She was in so much pain, she begged her dad to give her a blessing. Oh our poor angel!!!! She was miserable!!! What a blessing to have the priesthood!!!

With the meds on board, and the heating pads back on, and a wonderful priesthood blessing given, she at last fell asleep, but not for long. The lasix hit and she had to go to the bathroom. Her legs were still so sore, she struggled desperately to get on the toilet. Then she was so weak, I couldn't get her off. I had to call Jason to come lift her off and help put her back in bed. Thank goodness for his He-man muscles!!!! If he hadn't been here, I don't know what I would have done. She was stuck and I am not strong enough to lift her back on the bed. I think it is time to consider Depends. Nancy suggested that option when she was here on Monday. I told Ashley we could use them in the bed, and she wouldn't have to get up. With how sick she is tonight, she was willing to consider that. I will discuss that with Nancy tomorrow. We have to do something. Ashley can't get to the toilet. It is awful!!

I have a feeling we are in for another long night. I hope not, but Ashley is not doing well. I pray with all my heart and soul that soon Ashley will be released from her broken physical body. Oh how she suffers!! I can't bear to watch her!!! It is killing me!! It is killing Jason!! It would be such a blessing for her to go. We will continue to pray that soon she can be released from her burdens. They are so heavy!!!!!