Because of all the pain in her arm, the nurse suggested we keep Ashley on a low dose of morphine every four hours. At the same time, we would keep her on the zophran every six hours to control nausea. This plan isn't working!!! Not at all! Ashley was so desperately sick all day long. She had horrible nausea. The zophran didn't touch it at all. She was so nauseated today, she couldn't eat or drink anything, and hasn't all day long. She tried a couple of times to eat, but she would take one bite and grab her pan to throw up. She was terribly weak. Nancy told me she doesn't want Ashley to go to the bathroom alone anymore. She doesn't want her to get out of bed without someone in the room with her, for fear she will faint or fall and get hurt. With how weak she was today, I stayed right close to Ashley. She asked for help getting up and down and to the bathroom anyway. She knew and felt how weak and dizzy she was. I helped her several times in the night last night too. I made her promise me, no matter what, that she would wake me up so I could assist her in the night. Thankfully, she did. She apologized up the yin yang for waking me up. But I am so glad she did. I assured her it was no problem at all. (0:
So we have to come up with a better pain control plan. The morphine is making her worse. I know it!! There has to be something else! I know the docs are scared to try anything different, but at this point, I don't care. She cannot go on like she is now. She is miserable enough without hovering over a pan all day long. Tomorrow I am going to ask the nurse, who will be Julie since it is Saturday, if we can try to get her something else. I am feeling frantic about this!! Not being able to eat or drink will shorten Ashley's life tremendously. And it will cause her more suffering! I can't stand to watch her suffer so much! It is killing me!! How much more can my angel take??? I hope that doesn't sound horrible to say, but I can't watch this go on day after day. There has to be a way to make her more comfortable!!! Dang it all if we won't find it!!!!
Right now, Ashley is lying in bed. She was so nauseated again, David and Jason gave her a blessing. My concern, besides the constant nausea, is that she is so swollen!! Everything is swelling and it scares the heck out of me!! Her ankles are so big, it looks like she has two sprained ankles. Her thighs and abdomen were also swollen. Her hands and neck and face also puffy puffy puffy. The arm with the clot is still nearly double the size of the other arm. I am so scared all the fluid that is building up will get into her lungs and make it hard to breathe. Man I pray that won't happen. That is one struggle I can't watch! I can't! It would break all of us for her to suffer like that!!! I can feel my body weakening under the pressure. My stomach has been in knots all night long. I have a headache from Hades, and my stupid ear is not good at all. So today, in addition to the other pains I have felt, I have had to fight the vertigo. I can't handle things well when I am not on top of my game. I need to have so much faith in this whole situation. Faith that Ashley will be able to get through this time in her life. Faith that her suffering won't go on longer than is necessary for her to fulfill her purpose on this earth. Faith that we can let her go, and know we will be alright without her. Faith that my physical body can handle the pressure. Faith that my boys will go through this time and come out the better. So much faith is needed! Am I up to the challenge??
Please keep praying for us. We need all the help we can get.
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