Tuesday December 15, 2009

Today has been a super long day. Ashley woke up with lots of pain in her neck. She complained about that last night. We figured it was the glands in her neck that were swollen. This morning, I was worried she might have a cavity or something. That would have been horrible. She is way to sick to see a dentist right now. I looked in her mouth to make sure she didn't have any visible cavities, but thankfully, didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

With all the pain she was in, she wanted morphine with her morning meds. I am not sure the morphine caused it, but she got really sick to her stomach, so I gave her the nausea medicine too. The combination of the morphine and zophran made her super sleepy. She laid on the couch the whole morning long, sleeping off and on.

This afternoon, she finally felt like moving around a bit. I noticed when she got up, that her right arm, which is the same arm she had her PICC line in, was very swollen. The arm was swollen from just below the shoulder down into her hand. I was super concerned about the swelling, so I called Nancy. She came right over and took a look. She thought the swelling was directly related to Ashley's heart. It is possible, with her malfunctioning valve, she could have a clot. It is possible, with the narrowing in her aortic arch, and the poor pumping of Ashley's heart, the blood isn't circulating well around her body. Thus, the blood could be pooling in her arm. Nancy wasn't certain the exact cause, but the only way to stop the swelling and find the exact cause would be to admit Ashley to the hospital. She would have to be in the PICU for who knows how long. Ashley did not want any part of that. She never, ever wants to be in the hospital again. She told Nancy and I she wanted to stay at home. So at this point, we are going to try to keep her as comfortable as possible. The arm is swollen, but thankfully it isn't paining her. We will watch the swelling over the next few days, and hopefully the arm won't get any bigger.

The other horrible part of the afternoon, was that Ashley threw up lots again. She didn't feel like eating much this morning, but this afternoon, she was craving pizza, so we ordered pizza. She ate two whole pieces. I was super excited she ate so much. But tonight, I wish she hadn't eaten so much. I am almost positive the reason she got so sick was because of that pizza. She threw up six times. She even threw up after she had taken her zophran, or nausea medicine. I was beside myself knowing what to do!! Thankfully, our wonderful home teacher showed up tonight. We weren't expecting him, but it was an answer to prayers. I felt Ashley needed a blessing to help her get through the night. He came right at the time we needed him, and he helped Jason give her a blessing.

Tonight her vomiting has stopped. Her arm isn't any bigger. She is super weak and tired, and I so hope she can rest. What an awful time she has had today!! Keep praying for her all my wonderful family and friends. I am so scared what the next few days will bring for our family. I am so scared we may lose her before Christmas. I know it is in Heavenly Father's hands. I prayed for such a long time this afternoon, that no matter what happens, we will accept His will for her. I prayed so hard that she won't have to suffer anything more than she is now. I am so scared that with the swelling in her arm, that she might have more fluid in her chest. I can't bare to watch her lay there, struggling to breathe. I have watched her go through that before. It was horrible!! She was so frightened. I could see the fear and anxiety in her eyes. I never want to witness anything so horrible again. I pray so hard, that when it is her time to die, she won't suffer. It will be a peaceful transition from one world to another. That is my prayer.