Wednesday December 3, 2009

Thank goodness for the wisdom of my darling husband!! Last night, I was in despair. Ashley was very ill. I was overcome with grief, and I went into my closet to cry it all out and to pray and read my scriptures. I needed some peace. Jason found me in the closet. (That is my place to vent. I can hide from children there.) He sat with me, held me, let me cry, and we talked for a very long time. The one thing he said, that really helped me, was that what I needed to pray for most, was the Holy Ghost to be with, not only me, but Ashley too. As you all know, when the spirit is in your heart, everything seems so much easier. The heaviness lifts. Burdens that seem unbearable, suddenly are. Peace fills the soul. I knew he was right. Our discussion brought something in Ashley's patriarchal blessing to mind. I went and pulled her blessing out and read through it again. Oh what a beautiful blessing it is! Just reading her blessing brought peace to my soul. I wanted to share a few lines from her blessing that helped me last night.

"Pray to have the Holy Ghost attend you, for the spirit will strengthen you so that your burden seems lighter. He will protect you. He will guide you, and He will make your journey easy. Most importantly, He will speak peace to your mind....Heavenly Father will answer your prayers and you will feel and see the Holy Ghost in your life everyday."

I know her prayers, and mine, were answered today. When she woke up, she didn't feel as groggy. Her stomach had settled a little bit. She didn't have any appetite, but she had no nausea or vomiting like she did last night. Her face was not so swollen. Her lungs were not so wet. She was able to breathe alright. She did have swelling in her ankles, and a little swelling in her wrists, which was new, but otherwise, she looked so much better today. The best part of all, she was at peace. There wasn't so much sadness. She had pain, but today, the pain did not consume her. She was able to smile. She was able to sit in the living room with her rowdy brothers and talk to them and play with them a little bit. It was amazing to witness! I know, she was blessed with peace.

I am happy to say that she ate food today too. She was able to get down her KFC mashed potatoes and gravy. We had little elves who delivered some to our front door tonight. How cool was that!! (0: Just when we ran out too! Ha ha ha! (0: She ate some toast and popcorn. I was delighted! And she didn't throw up. She did have some diarrhea, but overall, her digestive system worked better today.

I decided after reading through her medical history, (a copy of which I found today while cleaning), I need to study. I found out I was mistaken on some of her strange anatomy. I will have to re-write the section on her heart defects. But first I need to better understand what a normal heart is and how it works. It will help me explain to everyone else all the things that are wrong with Ashley's heart. Her heart is so complicated, it isn't an easy task to explain everything. I still remember the one cardiologist at Primary Children's who initially made a sketch of Ashley's heart. He was a good artist, and when he explained things to us, I got lost so many times. I had no idea what normal was like, so the extent of her defects didn't sink in. We did a little studying then, but not enough. There is so much I still don't understand. I will say her life is one miracle after another. The fact that she is 12, and has survived for so long, is miraculous! I am so grateful I have the opportunity to have this beautiful angel entrusted in my care! (0: I pray for more good days with her.