Monday January 11, 2010

As expected, Ashley's heart episode last night weakened her greatly. She was awake briefly this morning to take her medications, but promptly fell asleep for a couple of hours. She was too tired to eat. She was too tired to talk. All she wanted was to rest. Her stomach was a mess all day long. In fact, this afternoon, she felt like throwing up. The one thing we found she can at least drink is peppermint tea, which she drank four times over the course of the day. Tonight she tried a piece of bread, but that was the extent of her meals today.

This afternoon, she was again, just worn out. Her tummy was paining her. She felt awful! When she awoke around 5:00, she was puffy and working to breathe. I should have given her lasix around 4:00, but she was sleeping so soundly and peacefully, I didn't wake her. I think sleep is a huge blessing for her. When she sleeps, I know she is at peace. When she is awake, she struggles in every way.

Tonight she wanted a bath. We attempted a sponge bath, but it failed miserably. She got very upset when we tried to wash her hair. I ended up putting her into the bathtub. Miraculously, she was able to get in and out. I actually put her portable toilet by the tub so when she got out, she could sit right down. The toilet is bigger than the wheelchair and she can dry herself off better on it than in the wheelchair. The bath exhausted her. She promptly crawled into bed and fell asleep for another two hours. She would wake up periodically to make sure I was near. She just wanted me to sit and hold her hand and stroke her cheek. It was a very special moment for both she and myself. Bless Jason's heart. While I sat with her, he took care of our troopers. They had a wonderful time hanging out with their totally awesome dad. (0:

Right now it is 12:06, and Ashley is awake. She was finally able to take her meds. Her stomach is so gurgly and sick, she asked her dad to come give her a blessing. I really hope her stomach will settle enough she can sleep. We were up until after 1:30 last night. I know she is tired, as am I. I am desperately hoping we can get some better sleep tonight.

Nancy and I had a talk a few days ago. She encouraged Jason and I to start planning Ashley's funeral. She said everything we do ahead of time will make things easier when Ashley actually dies. That is what we have done. One of our biggest concerns is where to have the funeral. We originally thought we would have the funeral in Nampa. We don't want to bury Ashley here, but rather want to bury her in the Paul cemetary, by my grandpa and great grandparents. There is a plot available, right next to my great Aunt Ruth, who was also disabled for most of her life. The question is, do we have the service and viewing here in Nampa, and then drive to Burley immediately afterward for the burial? We have so many people to consider in the planning. We have many friends in Nampa. But we also have tons of family that would be coming from Utah and Wyoming. Our grandparents on both sides of the family would be best served by a service as close to them as possible. I know for a fact my Grandpa Morgan is not well enough to make the trip to Nampa. Then we have to consider all the children. Plus, we are using Rasmussen Funeral Home in Burley. We will have to travel there anyway to finish planning with Jeff. If we had the service in Burley, it would be easy to plan the viewing and funeral and burial, without figuring out how family would travel from one place to another. I know we must do what we feel is right. But what that is, I am not certain. So friends and family, let me know what you think. Would anyone be offended if we didn't have the funeral in Nampa? I wouldn't want anyone to think if we did everything in Burley, that we don't love everyone here. It would be a decision based on what is best for our family. Please, please, let me know what you all think.

Hope everyone has a great night! I can't wait to sleep!!!