Sunday January 10, 2010

So this is going to be a really quick entry. Ashley is having a really bad night. I was so worried we might lose her. She started into an arrythmia which caused her horrific chest pain. She couldn't breathe. At the time, she was in the living room, with her brothers, and was so weak, it was difficult to get her back to the bed. I sat by her, feeling totally helpless, praying constantly that if it was her time to go, she wouldn't be in pain. It would be a peaceful passing for her. She wanted me to rub her chest, and I did. Jason got the boys to bed and then came in by us. Right now, she is still having pain in her chest, but her breathing has calmed down. Her heart finally stopped thumping and jumping, but it is beating weakly. It was scary! I have no idea what this night will bring, but I know no matter what, we will get through the night. Lots of praying to do!!

Last night was very long. Ashley and I were up and down and up and down. Jason was also. We were all so tired this morning, we didn't wake up in time for 9:00 church. Jason was planning to take the boys so I could stay with Ashley. We didn't make it. But it was alright. I taught the boys their lessons from Primary. We had a lovely evening together. Ashley was able to join us for a little bit, before she had the problem with her heart. I was grateful for that time to study the gospel as a family. The spirit was strong. I felt my spiritual cup fill, and I needed it. We all needed it.

The day was a difficult one for Ashley. She has been super tired and emotional all day long. No appetite. Feeling very down. I had a hard time finding ways to keep her happy. She cried over absolutely everything. Then she would apologize for being so upset. She was worried we would be angry with her because she was so emotional. Oh how that broke my mom heart!! I assured her, her dad assured her, her brothers assured her, we will love her NO MATTER WHAT! No matter how much she cries or how grouchy she feels, our love is unconditional. I hope she never forgets that.

Better go now. She is still very ill and needs her mommy. Thank you for everything! I have had numerous emails and well wishes. They all mean so much! Please know, even when I can't respond, I am grateful to everyone. My burdens have been lifted so many times because of the love of good friends. (0: Much love to you all!!!