Saturday February 13, 2010

Sorry for the lack of blog last night. I was exhausted in every sense of the word, and I didn't feel like writing, or thinking for that matter. It was nice to put everything in the back of my head. It was not a good day yesterday. Ashley felt desperately sick and weak. It didn't help that I felt tired myself. By the end of the evening, it was all I could do to drag myself to bed. She was miserable even then. Her ups and downs have been better since we have started a regular ativan regimen. But still, when she is so sick, every little thing upsets her. It takes lots of work to keep her calm. My poor angel!!

Today was another long day. I was worried how the day would go with the boys home, but they were good. We definitely had our moments, but they did exceptionally well under the circumstances. Ashley on the other hand, did not. She woke up feeling yucky from the get go. Her legs hurt. Her back hurt. Her poor stomach churned and gurgled angrily. Her legs were terribly swollen, as was her stomach and lower back. Her emotional state was very delicate. She was definitely working harder to breathe. When I bathed her, she was so exhausted by the time she got in the tub, she had to sit and catch her breath. Getting her out was almost impossible. Her legs are weak. They give out on her. That is what happened. It took me almost ten minutes to help her out of the tub. She would get up on her knees, try to stand, and then have to sit again and catch her breath. Of course, being so weak and falling back upset her and then she started sobbing. By the time the ordeal was over, she was desperately upset and out of breath. She had to sit in her wheelchair wrapped in towels until she felt strong enough to get on the bed, which was even more upsetting. It was horrible!!!! We may have to start sponge bathing her. But she absolutely HATES that.

Throughout the afternoon, she continued to struggle. Nothing made her comfortable. I felt helpless!! I feel like that all the time these days. I was sooooooooooo thankful Jason was able to come home tonight. Just having him home gives me comfort. Thankfully, by the time we put kids to bed, Ashley was feeling a little better. She requested that we come into the bedroom to say family prayer. I thought that was pretty darn cool!! (0: She even joked a little with her dad. It was nice to see a little bit of a smile. I know these days there isn't much to smile about.

It is hard to think about facing another week. Right now, I feel maxed. Jason is stretched so thin too. We all are. I don't get to go anywhere, and that gets hard. Jason is constantly making sacrifices, running errands, shopping, etc. (And he always does it without one word of complaint!! LOVE MY MAN!!) But you know what? I am honored to be able to serve my angel. I decided that earlier this week. It is such a privilege to be the one who gets to care for this precious daughter of God. I am learning so much. Even though some days get long and discouraging, the fact is, she is still here, and that is a blessing. Our family has become a team. None of us could do this alone. But together, we are unstoppable!! Our family is becoming what I always knew we could be!!! It is because of Ashley that we are growing. It is our own little miracle!!

Ok, better sign off now. I wish everyone a wonderful night!! (0: