Sunday February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!! (0: What a great time to say I love you to the special people in your life. Whether that may be family, friends, neighbors, roommates.....there is always someone who needs to know how special they are. I hope everyone takes the opportunity to let their loved ones know how much they are appreciated and adored. You never know when someone you love will be taken from the earth. I take every chance I get, every second of the day, to let my angel know just how dear she is to me. Today was no exception. What a blessing it was to spend the day, not only with Ashley, but with my sons and darling husband too. (By the way, I take every chance to let them know I love them too!! They are every bit as important to me!!) Ashley had a rough morning, but when it was time for Sunday dinner, she wanted to come sit at the table. For almost half an hour, we sat as a family, laughing and talking and joking. It was wonderful!! What a great gift for Valentine's Day!! (0: Just to see her smile for a brief time, to eat food, was a miracle.

Our miracle soon came to an end. Ashley became very tired, and had to be wheeled back to her bed. She spent remainder of the evening, resting and sleeping. I can always tell when she feels rotten. She gets so emotional and sad. Her eyes lose their sparkle. These days, the sparkle is rarely ever there. But it is the sadness that kills me. I hate to see her looking so forlorn and not be able to do anything to fix it.

Ashley's legs were hurting badly tonight. I am going to ask Nancy tomorrow what we can do to help stop the pain in her legs. They are weak. That is one problem I can deal with, but the pain that Ashley feels when she tries to stand up, is unbearable. For some reason, the ibuprofen and hydrocodone don't seem to help. I know the legs are way more swollen as of late. Perhaps she may have clots in her legs. I don't know, but I do know it is killing Ashley to put any pressure on them. When she got up to the bathroom only a few minutes ago, she cried and cried because of the intense pain. I didn't know what to do for her. I offered to rub them, but she said it would only hurt worse. It could be that her low protein levels are causing her muscles to break down. I fear that. At one point, many years ago, Ashley developed peripheral neuropathy after starting a rhythm medication. She had pain very similar to what she has now. We had to stop that medicine and start another one. If her muscles are breaking down, there isn't a dang thing to be done about it. Not at this stage in the game. Thus her great suffering continues.

Today we had something very special to be grateful for. There are always things to be thankful for, but today, we were able to spend time as a complete family, time that for a few minutes felt almost normal. It was such a blessing!! And I have Jason by my side. I can do anything as long as I have him as my partner. I know this with all my heart!! I pray we survive another long week. I pray if Ashley remains with us for this week, her burdens will again be lifted enough, she can have a little bit of peace in her precious heart!!