Thursday February 18, 2010

I can't believe in only a week February will be over. Wow! It seems like yesterday it was the beginning of a new year, and now we are only a few short weeks away from spring break. How time flies when you are having fun! Of course, "fun" is not the word I would use for our situation. Nothing is fun. It is about survival. That is what we do. We survive from day to day, from hour to hour, and at times, from minute to minute.

Today was one of those days. When Ashley woke up this morning, her entire body was a mass of aches and pains. She had lots of swelling in her back. The swelling was so bad, she felt like she had a big lump. It was horrible! She was working to breathe, and after struggling to get out of bed to the bathroom, she had a complete meltdown! Thank goodness for pain and anxiety medications. I gave her a big dose of both, and in a short time, she was able to fall asleep. I can't tell you how relieved I was to see her relax and rest. What a blessing!!

Throughout the rest of the day, Ashley was miserable. Her legs grow worse every day. This evening, she could barely stand on them. I had to hold her up. The weakness is one thing, but when they hurt her so badly, that is another problem altogether. After she stands on them for even a couple of minutes, they ache and pain her so much, she will sit and sob. I wish she didn't have to use them at all, but how else can she get up to the bathroom? I suggested we move her bedside toilet right next to the bed, but that upset her. She didn't want to do that. But we may not have a choice. If it keeps her from using her legs, I think it would be beneficial.

Eating was a complete bust. Ashley's poor stomach hurt for most of the day. She tried to eat a couple of times, but found the food did not agree with her. I do hope tomorrow she might be able to get a little something down. I always worry all the medications she takes will upset an empty tummy more than a full one.

Our angel is so ready to return to her Heavenly Father. Her suffering grows more intense every day. She has been so brave! I couldn't be more proud of her!! I know she feels like she isn't enduring this trial so well. Bless her heart!! But she is. She is so strong. I do hope she won't have to suffer much longer.