Tuesday February 23, 2010

"No matter how dark the day, the sun will always find a place to shine." I have no idea where I first saw that quote, but it has stuck with me for many years. It is a good reminder that no matter how bad a day seems, there will always be something good. Sometimes you have to look, and look very hard to see the sunshine. But it will always be there. We had to look for sunshine today.

Last night was not restful. Ashley was up and down several times. When she was up at 3:30, she was in pain and fought with diarrhea. I gave her some more medicine, but it took a while before both she and I fell back to sleep. With a lack of sleep once again, we were both feeling a little ragged this morning. Once I get going, I am fine. But poor Ashley was bone weary. She was only up for an hour before she fell back to sleep.

Her appetite was almost non-existant all day long. She attempted to eat this morning, and then again at lunchtime, but food did not agree with her. She ended up feeling very sick to her stomach. Tonight she had no desire to eat at all.

Her legs were awful today as well. They hurt terribly when she has to get up. They hurt when she lies back down. They hurt to move around on the bed. It seems like everything bothers her poor legs. I am so grateful for her pain medications. They offer some relief, and they help her sleep. I have no idea what I would do if I didn't have anything to offer to help ease the pain. I would be in absolute despair!!!!!

Tonight was very quiet. Ashley slept off and on all evening long. She didn't talk. She didn't smile. She didn't do anything but sleep. For a short time, she was at peace. What a wonderful blessing it was to see her relax. It was not a comfortable day for her. Both Jason and I felt on edge. It is so draining to watch her day after day. We have no idea what to expect. We have no idea how long she will be with us. She gets sicker with each passing day. Her suffering is great. At times, our situation over whelms us in every way. We get discouraged. I know Ashley is discouraged. That is when you have to look for the good. We can't sit around crying. We can't let this situation get the best of us. When Jason and I are upset, so is our angel. She can't stand to see us upset because of her illness. What good would it do us anyway to sit around moping and boobing? She is still here and I want every moment with her to be the best it can be. When you focus on the positive, soon your problems don't seem so big anymore. Couple that with faith and prayer, and nothing can get you down. I know Heavenly Father will continue to bless and strengthen all of us.